[(Don't you know it)]

Thursday, March 15, 2007

â 12:42 PM

i love my mom. i seriously do. wonder how many of u actually tell them that.. i did, she kinda freaked out. but oh mann.. i feel really selfish. let me tract back to when it all started out...
when we were much younger, mom used to work as a tutor.. she gave classes to primary school kids only. think she had about 50 in total. but anyway, she was doing very well and we were living quite a comforatble life. she was always so energetic. we could afford a maid. she could afford to scold her. we used to go to the zoo ever so often and i think we practically tried the food from all the famous hawker stalls around. many times we could try out new recipes too, making a mess of the kitchen and then leaving it to the maid to clean up. (hahah) i remembered when she'd ask us to wash our school shoes too, but Audrey and i would end up cleaning up the toilet as well. okok. no link..
so anyway, this fairytale took a twist and everything started crashing down. my mom had cancer. life was never the same again. no more different aged kids thronging our house, no more going out to play during the holidays, no more scolding the maid. everything in the house had to be clean as her immune system was down during the chemo times. she was no longer cheery and joyful. we cry now more than ever before.
maybe it was because she didn't have the energy to spend time with us that we drifted apart.. to me, she was just the figure that we had to take care of. she had no energy to go through our homework with us or to even stay up a little later to talk. so that span of about 5 years resulted in me hiding a lot of things from her and being very distant. to me all that she was ever concerned about is just my studies and results. so as long as i dun piss her off with bad results, den everything is fine. but looking back now.. the reason why i didn't make an effort to get close to her was cuz i was afraid- afraid to be too emotionally attached that when she moves on to a better place( which was highly possible), i wouldn't be able to take it. or it could also be that its just a teenager phase where everything the parent says is rubbish. i dunno. but whatever the reason was/is, the formal is a really terrible excuse. i'm ashamed.
now i'm trying to make up for it. we're close now. and she's very nice to me.. she'd take a few hours off work just to send me to school and to have a meal together so that we can have more time to talk. she'll do things at her own expence just to make things more convenient for not just me, but for my brother and sister as well.. i dunno what i did to deserve such a great mother. Thank God for her. Thank God for her shining example as well, even through her toughest times, she still didn't give up on her faith but held on more tightly to it. i cannot imagine life without her...

i love u mummy..

maybe i should reserve this post for mother's day.. ha