g0thic swEet____`

post a level days

2007-12-05T00:25:00.000+08:00

finally i'm back. right? lol..

sorry.. i've been sooooooo busy after A levels, and finally now i have time to update my dusty and cobweb covered blog. lol.. apologies to everyone who keep checking for updates! =(

anyway.. the enpower U camp was so much fun. well, its more inspiring than fun. Audrey won a scholarship from there and i'm sooooo proud of her. =) i'm keeping to my commitments and have already completed my 100 list. u guys should go if u have the chance to. its really helpful.. and u have to experience it yourself to know the effect, so i shall not spoil the surprise by telling anything. hehhhh..

moving on. the SJ camp was great. was DO for the 3rd day and i think i kinda stressed the DN and camp IC out. haha.. its my job guys. and if any juniors are reading this, i think everyone did a fantastic job. u get what u put in. if u feel u haven't put in as much as u thought u should have, make it up during future programs and activities! don't procrastinate. AND, a big congratulations to those who won awards. proud of u guys!! =) keep the swiss SJ flag flying proud and high!

on another note, it was great catching up with the fellow officers.. we had a lot of fun talking at night and doing things together, reminiscing old times when we were the ones running around and smelling the parade square, greeting officers etc etc.. oh i feeel so olddddd. haha..

well i guess most pp would have found out by now? i'm single now. since 2 sundays ago.. sorry if i didn't manage to tell u in person. but yupps..

ok.. what other updates?? um.... my dad came home from japan yesterday and mom's coming back from thailand tmr! whee.. i love it when family members return. =) there's always the celebration feel in the air. haha..

anyways, its LEON's birthday tmr. and in case i don't have the time to blog tmr. i wanna say somethings about him before he becomes an adult. lol.. ( u better be reading this LEON!)

alrights.. Leon's by far the best cousin i have. haha.. we've been pretty close since we attend the same church services and meet up quite often for family gatherings. He's probably one of the nicest fellows i know. not only is he generous, he's easy going and a goody gentlemen. (haha i sound like i'm promoting him) but yes.. we love him for his quirky sense of humour, amazing vocabulary and spelling too. all in all, i think i'm blessed to have such a wonderful cousin. =) so to leon, i hope that things go well for u as u step into adulthood.. remember always to turn back to the Lord in times of troubles and in times of celebration. thanks for being such a funny "ka cheng" and always looking out for me too! God bless! =)

Happy birthday to youuuu!!!

pictures speak a thousand words..

2007-09-13T19:50:00.000+08:00

my friends, pictures speak a thousand words...

here's the truth

2007-09-11T19:22:00.000+08:00

truth: i am very confused now

truth: i can't force myself to study

truth: i really really wanna run away right now

truth: i am very extremely sincerely sorry to the both of you

truth: i might be heading back to how i was like before

truth: i don't want u to forget me, ever

truth: i cannot bare to see u cry for your information.

truth: i don't know how much longer i can keep myself together

truth: i feel like dying

truth: u've opened doors that i never imagined anyone could. like u just took my breath away and i still can't breathe. its really unbelieveable that i met someone like u. i wanna explore deeper but fear is hollding me back

truth: i don't think u'll understand. but its ok. it is the truth

truth: it hurts, like hell lot.

truth: i don't know how its gonna be like in the future. so i really cannot promise everything to go as planned but i'll try.

truth: i hope God forgives me.

2007-08-23T20:34:00.000+08:00

before i type anything else, i'd like to thank all the nice friends who wished me well and prayed for me. your said and unsaid kind thoughts are greatly appreciated. =) thank you all so much.

anything else.

ok. sorry, i couldn't wait till next month. haha..
yupp.. prelims are in 3 days..
i'm scared but not really motivated to study..
never really had that feeling before but yupp. haha!!
and i'm in a better mood altogether. whee..

ok u know what, i'm gonna study now. haha..

quoting Cheam: it ain't over till the fat lady sings.

ahhh!

2007-08-20T12:32:00.000+08:00

7 days to the start of prelims.
><
i feel so stressed. but noone believes me.
i dun look stressed to most. only close observers can tell
i finished reading a book. it was a stupid thing to do.
i cried at the ending. of course, noone knew. again.
i dun want to go to school. i get very tired of waking up so early and feeling really drained by noon.
see u about a month later.

pls pray for me.
i hope i dun break.

2007-07-04T17:59:00.000+08:00

decisions decisions decisions..
just 2 days alone are leaving me drowning in decisions..
at times i wished that God hadn't given us that freedom to decide at all.
sigh..
maybe its the exams. maybe its Patricia. i dunno, but i'm really emo nowadays.
i really admire her. She's strong: though everything happened before the other problem was solved. when blow after blow left her hurt and feeling alone. i dun tink i can ever be as strong or as independent like her, or at least, how she portrays herself to be.

what makes u happy?
is it the new bag that u bought from GSS? the phonecall with your loved one?
receiving flowers from friends for no good reason? taking a bath? when pp praise u or when u get good results?

i used to be happy because of all the above mentioned. but i can't seem to find happiness anymore. something or someone has left me empty. i'm really feeling empty.. haha.. yesterday before the bio paper i felt something that i never felt before. i thought for once i was really gonna die. like the pain in my chest was gonna make me stop breathing, and i'd just collaspe and die. funny thing is: i felt happy, not so much of scared but yea.. how strange.

i can't seem to find joy anymore. my busy schedule is only helping to take my mind off that emptiness. maybe its a good thing.

i want to go home.

2007-05-07T21:20:00.000+08:00

why can't u be more optimistic?
why can't u do things right?
don't u know u dun have time already?
why can't u manage your time?
why do u hate your life so much?
why why?
WAKE UP ZELDA!!!!!!!!!!!

2007-04-14T00:19:00.000+08:00

randommmmm pictures!

RANdOM PICTUrES everyOne!

post mortum

2007-04-13T23:23:00.000+08:00

whee! i'm finally free to blog. lol..
anyway.. i did terribly for my blocktest 1 and pw. argh.. better start studying much harder now..
reminds me of my o level days. not very fond ones but, oh wells..
i rediscovered some stuff about myself.
1) i cry easily.. esp if it has to do with Jesus' death.. songs, mimes, shows? even passages from the bible.. i dunno.. i feel guilty that an innocent, PERFECT man/ God had to die so terribly for me. (and u too!)

2) i luuuuurrrrrvvvvvvvvvveeeeee oreo cheese cake! haha..
actually i have samo to thank.. cuz if it wasn't for her birthday, i wouldn't have made the cheese cake. haha.. =) was pretty sad she didn't really like it though.. i'll learn blueberry cheese cake for your next birthday ok? sorry sorry. lol..
anyway.. i really llllluuuuurrrrrvvvvveeee oreo cheese cake. tastes even better when u know who made it. ha! quite a few pp said it was nice too!

3) my fear of SBJ
argh. cuz of that i cannot get my gold for napfa!!! :(:(:( must contribute to the growing pool of gold-achievers of my class!

4) my weird taste
i realised that most of the guys that i like(d) are mostly look beng. lol! hmmm... maybe cuz i'm lian too? lol!!!!! okok.. that's just wrong.

5) low self confidence
i'm trying to get out of it and i can't. i really can't.. sorry to those i might have offended by brushing away whatever u said about me. my results just prove everything.

6) love for piano/music
i went for lesson yesterday, lol.. so funny la. i owe my cher 2 months worth of fees and didn't even realised. lol! but the pieces she taught me were great. i think i'm falling in love with jazzy pieces more and more. =) THen after lesson, got a call from melvin while waiting for 985 to come. (it took so long i ALMOST totally regretted even waiting) yea, but anyway, melvin and grant boarded the bus. haha.. melvin kept asking me if he was cute. heh.. can't really remember what i answered him but oh wells. lol!
he blogged about me and yea, i'm pretty surprised that afer only seeing me for a few minutes he can come up with so much to say. haha.. and i thought all guys were not observant. lol.. i was lost for words after reading his entry.. didn't think anyone would think of me that way; everyone is asking how my mom is doing. well, yea.. i'm not the centre of that entry anyway.. but thanks for blogging bout me Grant! your name is as unique as mine! yay. we have something in common. lol..

Friday the 13th- the only scary thing that happened was my results. on the other hand, more great things happened. glad he called. it's been a long long time since we chatted on the phone. and i bet he still doesn't know why i travel halfway cross the island to go to school for 2 years. sounds dumb i know.. maybe that's what i am.. well, that conversation brought back lots of memories; good and bad.. things will never be the same again. i know..

i'm beginning to feel more and more detached from SA. regretting more and more of coming here. maybe its because of my results. ok. maybe its largely cuz of my results but.. who have i to blame but myself. yet again.. "noone is here by chance" maybe i have a purpose there..

i'm just sitting here waiting for that something great to happen. pls God, just help me... pls.

"if you love someone, let him/her go. if he/she returns to u, he/she is really yours. letting go is hard. but accepting that the person has come back to u is harder..."

love u mom

2007-03-15T12:42:00.000+08:00

i love my mom. i seriously do. wonder how many of u actually tell them that.. i did, she kinda freaked out. but oh mann.. i feel really selfish. let me tract back to when it all started out...
when we were much younger, mom used to work as a tutor.. she gave classes to primary school kids only. think she had about 50 in total. but anyway, she was doing very well and we were living quite a comforatble life. she was always so energetic. we could afford a maid. she could afford to scold her. we used to go to the zoo ever so often and i think we practically tried the food from all the famous hawker stalls around. many times we could try out new recipes too, making a mess of the kitchen and then leaving it to the maid to clean up. (hahah) i remembered when she'd ask us to wash our school shoes too, but Audrey and i would end up cleaning up the toilet as well. okok. no link..
so anyway, this fairytale took a twist and everything started crashing down. my mom had cancer. life was never the same again. no more different aged kids thronging our house, no more going out to play during the holidays, no more scolding the maid. everything in the house had to be clean as her immune system was down during the chemo times. she was no longer cheery and joyful. we cry now more than ever before.
maybe it was because she didn't have the energy to spend time with us that we drifted apart.. to me, she was just the figure that we had to take care of. she had no energy to go through our homework with us or to even stay up a little later to talk. so that span of about 5 years resulted in me hiding a lot of things from her and being very distant. to me all that she was ever concerned about is just my studies and results. so as long as i dun piss her off with bad results, den everything is fine. but looking back now.. the reason why i didn't make an effort to get close to her was cuz i was afraid- afraid to be too emotionally attached that when she moves on to a better place( which was highly possible), i wouldn't be able to take it. or it could also be that its just a teenager phase where everything the parent says is rubbish. i dunno. but whatever the reason was/is, the formal is a really terrible excuse. i'm ashamed.
now i'm trying to make up for it. we're close now. and she's very nice to me.. she'd take a few hours off work just to send me to school and to have a meal together so that we can have more time to talk. she'll do things at her own expence just to make things more convenient for not just me, but for my brother and sister as well.. i dunno what i did to deserve such a great mother. Thank God for her. Thank God for her shining example as well, even through her toughest times, she still didn't give up on her faith but held on more tightly to it. i cannot imagine life without her...

i love u mummy..

maybe i should reserve this post for mother's day.. ha

bubbles?

2007-03-06T20:30:00.000+08:00

bodyfoam makes bigger bubbles than shampoo.. but facial scrubs have no bubbles at all.

bubbles are such lovely things. they just appear and disappear forever just like that..
i was playing with bubbles in the bath just now. so fun! was trying to blow a very big one.. haha..
then i started laughing at myself.. that cheered me up altogether.. nevertheless, i still felt pretty emo.. started to think back of the times where my dad used to let us wash his car and us playing with the car soap and making a mess of ourselves. haha.. we all smelt like car after that.. pure fun i tell u. hehe.. but those days are gone. he won't let us touch his car unless our exams are over which is like... hmmm.. never. oh wells..

bloop bloop bloop bloop bloop bloop.....

i had a revelation.
my greatest contribution to my classmates and pp around me is lending them sissors..
altough it can get quite annoying esp when i'm in a bad mood.. i'm glad my sissors helped pp do things from clipping off dead skin to preparing decorations for some grand event. this particular pair of green sissors i'm using now goes quite a long way back. it was during some course that was compulsory to attend in sec 2. its called STRAWmix. yupp.. if u guys dun remember.. we were supposed to make structures out of plain drinking straws. and obviously they had to provide sissors to prevent us from biting the straws up into desired lengths. oh well.. but i cannot remember if it was given to us FOC or if they wanted it back. whatever it was, that sissors had belonged to be ever since. it has served me well.. hope i won't lose it. =)

ah yes.. zelda was on tv today.. although it was just less than 2 seconds, still.. WHEE!!!!!!!
wait.. shouldnt be rejoicing... pp are dying cuz of the earthquake. haven't you heard? the one in indonesia? 6.6 if i'm not wrong.. it occured twice and singapore felt the tremors too.. we were in math tutorial when everyone started swaying left and right.. i thought i was the only one feeling giddy but we were soon evacuated. many pp had their SPA interrupted and that was kinda to their advantage. haha.. but anyway.. it was a pretty scary experience.. after lunch, it happened again.. this the CNA camera crew was there and yea.. caught some footage of saints strolling/rushing to the track. either way, we were still on TV! =)

which reminds me.. samo, xuan, leqi and jeremy were ALL not in school today.. somehow i felt really lost without all of them. dun ask me why. for samo its still understandable but for the guys.. hmmmmmmmm. haha.. maybe cuz they are the main reasons other than the obvious that i go to school for. all 3 of em. i feel ps-ed. sigh.. anyway. we were dismissed early today. so it ain't that bad. ha..

orientation is tmr. i'll blog bout that some other time. so much to say, so little time. shouldn't have signed into MSN just now. gonna sleeeeep now
or not. ha..

how long has it been since u've felt the warmth of my smile?

2007-02-19T14:33:00.000+08:00

Whee!! the long awaited holiday is here!! CNY! whoots..

i'm actually feeling quite happy though i've read sad entries after sad entries after more sad entries..

to all those sad pp with sad entries.. i dun tink i said anything on your tagboards, but all i can say here is that God is watching over you.. He is faithful to the end and will never throw u alone out there to drown in your sorrows.. all u have to do is to seek Him. AND Zelda loves u! =) cheer up k?

hmmm... i think i'll get fat really soon.. all the snacks and reunion dinner. which reminds me: reunion dinner was so funny: all the commotion. like. spilling soup, flinging congee, chopsticks jabbing, rolling over someone's toes, splatting oil, power failure, flying pieces of meat, quarreling over drinks, shouting over the music. lol.. typical Chan family dinner. i love my family nonetheless..

looking at each individual one of the family members, i really feel grateful that God made a day where we can all gather to eat dinner.. even though its just a mere 3 hours or so ( plus another 5 hours altogether for prep) its still reunion yea? haha.. not everyone gets to experience this..

after that we went to buy flowers to cheer us up. den in the queue we saw the cutest baby ever. can't help but smile. check him out...

i'm supposed to be studying now. lol.. i have a lot of things to do, other than this.. sigh?

i had a dream. i dreamt that i was losing it, and losing u.

i asked u to stay. u didn't want to.

then i let u go...

someone else comes along. u turn back and look,

then u realise that it is all too late. i don't want u back..

2007-02-09T23:27:00.000+08:00

hello peeps!!
here're the photos that i've promised some of u. hehe.. that's not all la, but blogger is taking forever to get the photos up. lol.. erm.. the photos are like, from latest to earliest.. so pls just look from bottom up k? hehe..
so fast.. gonna be a week after the wedding already..
all the preparation, buying, dressing up, decor.. all gone like that..
so fantasy like.. just like waking up from a dream.. sigh.. speaking of dreams..
i dreamt that xj, lq, yw, jd and yj were calling me a hypocrite and chasing me around the cafe. i woke up crying nehx.. *shivers*
today was a pretty good day overall.. nothing much to complain about.. except that sally's body dropped out.. again. :( sigh.. is that a sign? HOPE NOT.
i'm so gonna fail econs now while leqi is definately gonna ace it! ahhhh!!!! my class is on the other side of the cc, like miles away from the left side :( sigh.... lol..
get well soon si lin! hope u dun die of pain tmr.. wahahha..

16 months and a day. looking forward to more! nam num rocks!

2007-02-09T21:15:00.000+08:00

acting cute! =) best way to end the daY!!

bullying the "guys" i love audrey's expression. =)

lookie there!

cousins and cousins in law! =)

Zelda and leon. zelda thinks leon rawks and mel is lucky =)

zelda:" i'm gonna turn u into a frog! muahaha!"
that's me tring on different shawls! hhaha.. look so weird.

elizabeth and i! she looks sweet here.. =)
people say i look as old as ben!! its either he looks young or i look old!! ah! but i like this pic anyhow! =)

me and darl!

i am the big jie jie here!! wahahah... feel old already. lol..

eudora, vic, meda, me, aud, jan!
RANDOMLY TAKEN

we are getting high!! =)

1,6,10,2,4,1!

2,1,6,10,7,5!

vic, me, audrey and meda! =) i like this pic!

WARNING: this is 1 of the 46 pictures she took of herself that night.

now the girls go wild! haha.. making stupid faces..

they made the grand entrance singing their favorite songs.. nice.. everyone was impressed. totally sweet.. i will always love u..

this is their momento for the guests.. sweet!

moving on.. at night!! furama hotel: the place where swiss sj had their 40th anni dinner. ><

hungry people. oh! samo and shuli were there too!! =) they looked great! shuli! quick send me the pics too!

lele, ben, me and lucas. glad he could come. look so beng lo, someone!
my lovable sister and i. spot the difference between the both of us. =)

my mom and i. her hair was so much funkier than mine. it had streaks of blue!

that's us; 3 sisters forever!!

HE WAS SO ELATED AFTER KISSING THE BRIDE PLS.
my bro saying his vows.. so proud of him. he didn't forget a single word. almost cried when they were exchanging their vows..

oh.. haha.. helping da sao get up the stage. lol..
uncle looks sad..

that's cute little min xi throwing flowers, frodo and me at the back. haha.. felt so tall can!

that was my hairstyle in the afternoon.. i think i look reasonably nice here! =)

singers who helped lend their voices for the wedding ceremony and march in!

our final decor! yayee.. i think it looks nice. enough..

james: aka frodo the ring bearer

moving on to the church wedding: this is audrey with her funky hairstyle and eudora. :)

bro and da sao presenting tea to my parents!
oh.. that's me washing the cups.. not bad, i also get paid for doing so. =) *grins*
that's us giving them tea. got ang pow just for doing such a small thing! haah..

happy family!! with a new addition!

hehe.. Dad and mom trying to calm their nerves and geting showing off their wedding ring. lol..i think my parents are cute!

some traditional tea set that they had to use and i had to wash the cups over and over again.

the happy newly weds!
the camera man actually made them react the scene of feeding each other with tang yuan nehx.. haa.. but they were more than happy i guess. must have been starving! lol

they were finally back! =) da sao is pretty.

that's my cool looking cousin! aka the best man, aka overall 2 i/c aka leon tan aka lele haha.. he rocks =)

oh.. that is the pig's leg.. dunno what it represents, but the brides family wanted it. haha..

mom and dad are excited too!

that's me helping bro to put on the flower thingy(whatever its called). bet all the butterflies in his stomach must have been fluttering non-stop at that time already. hehe..

take a look at zelda's pretty fingernails!! =) only had them for like 2 days thought..

dun blame us for looking so sleepy~ it was 0623!! so tired.

2007-02-04T23:12:00.000+08:00

Zelda is feeling happy! haha.. i finally can officially call sis Angelia my DASAO!!! lol..

the wedding was great. everyone looked wonderful. the dinner wasn't too bad and their singing totally rocks! everything went according to plan! and the decor stayed where they were supposed to be! =)

really wanna thank everyone who helped in the decor in one way or another. namely: bro Anthony, my mom, canida's mom, kelvin, vijay, grace, ben, leon, yong yaw, joseph, janelle, audrey, medalene, eudora, lydia, elizabeth, lawrence, ruiqi, canida, lucas and christopher. whee! take a look at the decor! we literally shed blood sweat and tears for these lo. haha.. so fun. =)

okok.. i'msleepy le.. good night!! more photos to come!

2007-01-21T20:42:00.000+08:00

sigh.. what a day.. had all the meetings cramped up in a few hours..
had to count money (thankfully got replacement), rehearsal, YF meeting, decor meeting with canida's mom and decor meeting with kelvin and the girls.. argh.
not like i was really happy today to begin with.
really starting to wonder if i should do THAT. sigh..

and i cannot believe that my brother is getting married in 2 weeks!!!
it was like just a few weeks ago when he was telling me about his plans to propose. now he's gonna go through the real thing. think i'll just cry on that day when he says his vows or something. haha.. whatever. i'm so emo.

i dun tink i'll ever be able to catch up on my homework u know.. like, never. everything is so pressing for time. everything is one big rush. everything is getting out of control and my head is starting to ache at the thought of the pile of homework that i still haven't started on. wei xuan, if u are reading this, i think u should buy more boxes of panadol just in case i need it.

sigh sigh sigh sigh. maybe i;m taking things too hard. relax!!!!!!

*sobx*

happy new year?

2007-01-11T21:28:00.000+08:00

hello everyone. i'm supposed to be doing my GP essay right now, but just cant get started. bleahs.. finally updating so.. whee! haha..

ok, maybe the year didn't start off as well as i had hoped. maybe it did but i just wasn't happy but anyway, the main point is that i haven't had time to sit down properly and think of my resolutions and put it down in black and white. so that kinda left me unsettled and unfocused. tada. first confession of the year.

resolutions:
1) read the Bible everyday
2) prioritize correctly and stick to that arrangement.
3) (on that note) be flexible and change according to what the situation calls for
4) love my sister and boyfriend more.
5) be more disciplined
plus:
1)donate blood this year
2)collect my 100th pair of earrings. ha

alright! a big load off my chest. though a little late. but, HAHA.
main reasons for my busy schedule:
1. orientation; it was a blast by the way! haha.. OG 24 rocks my socks! whee!
2. Bro's wedding prep (esp decor); though i'm only 2IC, i personally want that day to be super nice for the both of them.
3. catching up with work
4. piano..

anyway anyway.. haiyo. i have so much to say!!!
Leqi has been really nice to me recently (and times before) think i won't like, fit into the class w/o her lor. come to think of it, that's really pathetic. oh wells.. even though we've been a class for the past 9 months or so, i just dun seem to really clique with them. am i too serious? too different? not clever enuf perhaps. i'm just weird la.

more and more problems are surfacing and piling up. wonder how long i can hold it together. one of which concerns my dearest and my dearest sisters. argh..

one good thing that happened today though (it is a horrible day for me btw.) some JC1 girl shared her umbrella with me. i'm so sorry i couldn't remember her name. but she was from Ruth's OG and is in 07s02. if she ever ever reads this: THANK YOU SO MUCH!! GOD BLESS U!!

Zelda, do u have any last words to say?
: roar!

2006-12-13T00:32:00.000+08:00

happy (belated) 14th month baby! thank God so much for u. haha.. btw, a few of my fellow councillors said that u look really shuai in the photos we took on sunday before u flew off. haha.. whoots! *hugs* love ya!

my name is

2006-12-12T22:55:00.000+08:00

wells.. i'm back.. hehe..
december has been more busy than november. i guess i'll never get my homework done. sigh.
but anyway, lo and behold, its already the 12th!!
i've been made to make tough decisions on what to do since the start of december. well, i couldn't please everyone and ended up upseting myself even more. i dunno.. its like, i dun tink i'm spreading myself out too thin. its just that all the events happened to clash. yes. its not that i wanted it to be this way ok?
first there was orientation dry run and gospel meeting. managed to attend both without missing anything, cuz dry run ended early. =)
then there was aabl, swiss ATC, and grad night. like, 3 different commitments that i take seriously and they're what really matter in my life. and when i choose one over another, then it seemed like i didn't care about one. i'm not getting back at someone. no. i'm just sayin what i feel. and hoping that pp who read this will like, understand. i won't find u a nag for reminding me more often. being the goldfish that i am, i would even appreciate it, thank you very much. yea.. so since everything clashed, sacrifices had to be made.
so lessons learnt:
1) u have to sacrifice something to belong.
2) well, that's about it.

sometimes first aiders are casualties too. Vincent just lost his brother.. he had fits and stopped breathing. noone performed CPR on him till much later. first aider: Vincent. i feel very sad for him.. i can't imagine losing my own brother. probably will cry my eyes out. worse still if it was my sister or either one of my parents. dun want that to happen.. but everyone has to die. sigh.. it was then that i thought about the St John's aim: to have at least a first aider in every home, every school, every office. i finally see the importance of that.. surprisingly, Mavin made the front page of the newpaper on thursday.. read it while at ATC. sigh..

on a brighter note, my bridesmaid role in my bro's wedding is much simpler than i thought. yayee.. was helping him plan manpower list for the church wedding segment, yupp.. think all i did was to change his spelling mistakes and think of more people suited for the job. i noticed too that he is really an organised person. (to a certain extent) all tht columns widths and font size were painstakingly changed (partially because he didn't really know how to work with excel) but anyway, that's besides the point. so exciting!!!! can't wait for his wedding to come. 53 more days! wow.. that's like super short period of time. have to think of invitation card design and decorations for the auditorium.. haha.. BIGG event.. praying that everything will turn out fine and that God will bless my bro and dad sao. haha..

dunno why i'm so tired nowadays.. i'm not really keeping track on how long i sleep, but it seems to be more than during school days.. somehow just feel more tired. perhaps its the weather. ha.. speaking of weather, i hope the weather in thailand is good. ben is having his holiday there.. miss him. its only like, 2 days? haha.. i baked a cake today using one of the recipes in the book he bought for me. haha.. its quite nice, surprisingly. haha.. yayee! alrighty.. its 14 months and 4 days.. random! haha.. i love u, ben. =)

so i lay my head back down?
and i lift my hands and pray:
to be only yours i pray...

dead week

2006-11-29T21:57:00.000+08:00

the week is getting more horrible by the minute. it hasn't been good since the start. oh wells..
my uncle (mom's bro) just passed away on sunday night. this came as a shock and i only knew about it at the airport as we were about to send my dad off to portugal. though we were not close, i still remember certain memories with this particular uncle that puts a smile on my face. he called my sister "ohr nee" (yam paste) during a wedding and sent the entire table bursting with laughter. also remembered him flexing his arm to show off his beautifully toned biceps. haha.. think he was about 50 then. all of us kids were so impressed. haha..

but who am i to complain. i think my mom is much worse of than me.. her pillar of support has gone off to portugal for 2 freakin weeks. the fun and laughter of the family is in malaysia playing badminton with her team. her oldest child is having problems managing money, time and waking up. which leaves me. *gulps* me- the emotional wreck, lousy conversationalist, have no advice to give, not much talent to put in use at this time, having my own itsy bitsy problemS that really draws life out of me. i do love her a lot but i dun make a very good, supportive daughter. yea.. she's so unfortunate. what should i do??!!!!?!?!

tmr onwards till sat is orientation dry run. and friday's the gospel meeting. think she still has a lot to do but i can't help also..
GOD HELP US.

sigh.

2006-11-19T00:19:00.000+08:00

whee!!!!!!! i'm feeling happy now. hehe! went out today with the bitches! =) though we didn't really shop a lot, we really caught up. haha.. well, at least i was really updated. haha!
our first stop was cine. the first shop we went into was pandora's box which was newly opened.. yupp, shuli haven't arrived yet and the 3 of us were starving. haha.. so we looked around and found jorge in the shop opp pandora's. lol.. spent about 15 min there ba. haha.. laughed a lot. and jorge kept changing the songs playing in the shop. haha.. think he's probably still somewhere there now. haha! anyway, shuli finally arrived and we proceeded to cartel to have lunch.

this was taken using weewee's NEW phone. =)

this is us at cartel. =)
we stayed there and chatted for like almost an hour. haha.. after that we went to carry out our tradition of taking neoprints. haha.. take until very happy.. den guess who we saw.. YUMEI. argh.. she ps us fr k*****H la! :(
lol.. the effect of the sunlight was quite nice too! lol.. =)

anyways, shuli gave all of us a clip each.. super cute. mine is a chicken i think. lol!
we then went to heeran to shop somemore.. didn't really buy much stuff. and shuli tried on a super retro skirt. matches really well with her school colours. lol!
yawns.. late le.. think i'll blog more another day. chao!
oh yes! if any OCIP (vietnam) pp are reading this before the flight, HAVE A SAFE TRIP AND DUN DIE THERE! =) HAVE FUN TOO!

2006-11-17T01:03:00.000+08:00

SOMEHOW
things always happen when u least expected them to
SOMEHOW
good things happen at the wrong time
SOMEHOW
your heart tells u this but
SOMEHOW
your brain tells u that.
SOMEHOW
it isn't what u want at that present moment but
SOMEHOW
there's still a tinge of hope
WHY
am i in this s***y situation.
WHY
can't it be the way i want it to be?
WHY
can't it happen now?!!!
WHY
couldn't it happen then??!!!
WHY
can't this wait???!!!

WHY???!!!!!!!!!!!! i still want that tinge of hope

2006-11-17T00:08:00.000+08:00

well well.. its past midnight already.. i think i have been wasting my holidays away so far. (at least that's what Ben thinks. ha) haven't really mugged much.. haha.. and my playing seems to get worse. hmmm.. i better buck up. anyways, for those of u who haven't watched step up or flushed away, zelda recommends that u catch it soon. haha.. they're great movies! =)
yuppp.. so i went to watch step up with dear on tuesday.. haha.. he paid for the tix and i paid for dinner. in the end he still paid more. haha.. (dun forget my fish and co treat!!!) we had BK for dinner and we used 8 packets of chilli sause! maybe that's not alot for some of u.. (esp hui hui. she finishes 7 packets by herself) but i dun usually use so much lehx.. maybe its him? haha! anyway.. we had a lot of fun.
these are the empty shachets..lol and his used tissue ><
i think he was in pain or something. lol.. but this was a random shot

haha.. this was taken in the theater. only the exit sign is clear and ben (and his dad) thinks its very distracting.. ok wad.. haha!

2006-11-14T16:12:00.000+08:00

whee!!! i'm feeling happy today.. haha.. i dunno why too, but happy is good~! haha
i just realised that my blog doesn't havve any links to my archives. lol.. THAT IS A GOOD THING. cuz the past is the past already. haaaa... should just forget bout all the unhappy memories! but what about the good? hmmm.. dunno.. nv really had any happy entries last time too. haha! all about me complaining about life and stuff.. haha.. gone is good!

anyway, i love evanescence! (it really took me quite some time to get the spelling right. ha!) the music somehow relates to me.. and the past.. but oh wells.. its still really good music. :) angry, sad, violent, mysterious yet sweet. ooooooo lovin it. haha.. here's the lyrics of my favorite song.

Playground school bell rings - again
Rain clouds come to play again
Has no one told you she's not breathing?
Hello, I'm your mind giving you someone to talk to
Hello
If I smile and don't - believe
Soon I know I'll wake from this dream
Don't try to fix me I'm not broken
Hello, I'm the lie living for you so you can hide
Don't cry
Suddenly I know I'm not sleeping
Hello, I'm still here
All that's left of yesterday

2006-11-13T15:49:00.000+08:00

its good to be clever.
i repeat. its freaking good to be clever.
i'm actually supposed to be blogging about 10 of my girlfriends but somehow i have alot of other things to say. i'm also supposed to be doing math or bio or even chem now but i chose not to. (kids: dun try this at home. its not a clever thing to do)
also. i've postponed my piano lesson not because i can't walk but because i think i haven't practiced enough to spend $60 for an hour there. maybe i should just wipe out the entire idea of ever becoming a good pianist. but who cares anyway?

was talking to reuben just now and he asked me how the youths are doing here in JCOC. truthfully, i think we're in trouble but i told him we were fine. perhaps things will take a turn for the better next year when benjamin takes over. this question really is close to my heart. it really bothers me that we're not doing much for the Lord. dun have to say comparing with our parents' efforts in the past. sometimes i wonder if my sis and i were the only ones who realised that we're nowhere near "fine". i'm not blaming anyone for the situation we're in now. in fact if i were to blame anyone; it would be myself. if i had the courage to do things without 'succumbing to redicule' or if i had the determination and focus to do more. i really would. well, that's IF. yea, i've prayed not only for myself but the few youths of this congregation. i can't bring myself to stir the others on due to the fact that i'm scared. i'm scared that i'm not good enough; not in the position to tell them what to do. but yet again.. i'm not telling them what to do.. and what if noone will go with me? this will dissolve into another concoction that will eventually lead to the downfall of the church. as far fetched as it may seem. i'm really afraid that day will come. and if everyone was like u? i wonder what will happen. that's why its good to be clever. u know what to do and people will listen. right?

on a lighter note, i just read jie ren's old entry on the day before he and gloria celebrate their 2 and a half years together. so sweeeeeet! and i kinda agree with him. haha.. oh well, i best be contented with what i have now before everything gets taken away! whoosh!

fine. i'll leave now.

10 guy friends

2006-11-12T22:36:00.000+08:00

today hasn't exactly been a very nice day for me. well.. perhaps i didn't exactly make it nice la.. haha.. it doesn't matter.. anymore. right.. subject matter of today's post.. a tribute to 10 of my guy friends. its rather randomly picked so.. uh.. haha.. due to some confidential matters, no names shall be mentioned too! (yayee)

1. Thank you so much for being there throughout my 17 years on earth. i'm glad that God has brought us closer together even though its just recently. u may not know, but u really made a big difference in my life. and i really thank God for u. yupp.. u've hurt me, made me cry, made me worry but.. they dun outnumber the times u made me smile. haha.. just.. thanks for being there for me, for being a shoulder to cry on, to sleep on and to bite. also thanks for taking care of me when i'm sick, buying me little cute stuff to make me smile when i'm down, baking and cooking with me, doing silly stuff with me and making my life more colourful. *huggs*

2. haha.. u're a funny guy. always making me laugh.. not at your jokes but mostly at u. HAHA. u're someone who will always talk to me on MSN, no matter how short the conversation may be, and of course, yours truely is not a very interesting person to talk to, but none the less u always make an effort to say HI. it always makes me happy when u come and say hi. hehe. ok la.. u're a really nice guy.. quite cute too! jia you a bit den u'll look more like jay. haha.. must use the waterbottle i gave u k? Get well soon!! ps. it was nice sitting behind u in sec 1 and 2. thanks for being a friend.. =) oh ya.. u still owe me your "le" photo. HAHA..

3. shao yeh!! did u expect me to include u? haha.. recently we've been closer right? haha.. u've grown to be a much nicer guy than when i first knew u 4 years ago. anyway, thank you for always offering to treat me stuff and for being such a great person to work with. i must be really fortunate to be able to work with u on so many occations. hee.. thanks for tolerating my childish behavior, for giving me good advices, for your happy-fraction theory, for accompanying me when i need company, for standing by me as a really good friend and for always believing that i'm better than what i think i am. =)

4. think i've only known u for a few months now.. lol... i really have nothing much to say about u because u always don't talk to me. people say u're really lame and stuff, but i have never seen that side of u before. :( but thanks for smiling so sweetly when i wave to u at school. lol. and for being my ec. lol!

5. another guy that i have known all my life! i dun tink u'll be reading this.. but oh wells.. thank you for always standing up for me and not letting anyone bully me! yayee! my favorite cousin.. lol. actually the only cousin that i'm rather close to. i'm really fortunate to have u as a cousin and a friend. thank you for always being so generous, kind, gentlemanly and funny! haha.. here's wishing u all the best with HER and do u want to play "english" or "chess"? haha =) ok.. i shall not "bully us" anymore le. hehe! one day must bake brownie for us too ok? haha.. see u around, =) and thanks so much!

6. "erp.." haha.. something i'll remember u for. i think u're gifted. can eat and eat and never grow fat. i'm so jealous of u la. hee.. anyway, would like to thank you for all the happy memories we had..., for letting me appreciate the moon more, for making me think more now, for helping me out with PW, for random phone calls and msgs, for ben and jerry's chunky monkey shake.. i really hope u're doing fine.. and kinda that u'll be reading this.. dun think so much le okie? play guitar for me! takkaire dude. one day must call for lithium outing okie? =)

7. lol.. i'm wondering if u will ever ever read this. u said that blogging is a waste of time. u're probably playing WOW or cursing and swearing away.. but though i really can't stand your language, i really admire your ability to get good results without constantly mugging. BUT most importantly, u're on my list cuz i really want to thank you for being a friend to me in class. dun tink u'll remember, but the talk we had while walking to the MRT after school one day really made me feel much better and wells.. i really appreciate what u said back there. it was really sweet. haha.. now that PW is over.. i'm starting to wonder if u'll still treat me the same way. hmmm.. but ANYWAY, jia you and i hope u find a friend in me too. =)

8. i haven't seen u in such a long time! really hope u're doing fine in your studies and in your TKD. haha.. really wanna thank you for being a great friend, brother and well.. ya. lol.. won't ever forget your mickey mouse voice. haha! made me laugh like mad. hee... GOD BLESS U!!! hope u can find THAT girl that's really worthy of u. =) and follow your dreams ok? i hope they do come true and oh ya.. s'pore is not a good place to get a degree in cooking.

9. oooo lala.. U just messaged me. yayee! thanks for being such a caring and sweet friend! thanks for all the encouragement and support u have given me over this short period of time that i knew u. anyways.. i've been practicing my piano ok!?! next time i play and u MUST sing. i dun care~! maybe u're one of the only ones that really care about me in class.. sorry if i saboed u so many times before. i'm giving u permission to sabo me from now on k? haha.. AND. i really admire u for being able to express yourself in CHINESE. that's something i'll never be good at. haha.. but really sorry, i AM PROMOTED SO U HAVE TO tahan my nonsense for another year. whahahahahahahaha.. i'll be kinder to u next year! that will be one of my resolutions k? haha..

10. last but definately not the least. u will not read this i guess.. but if u do, i'll be really glad if u could let me know. u're on my list because u didn't reply me. haha.. come to think about it, u made me sad for so long already.. but nevermind that, i'm here to thank you for changing my life. be it for better or for worse, i think u're happy now and that's that ya? things happened and will not change le. u also won't bother much about me anymore- thank you for that. *sighs* thanks for all the good times we shared, phone calls that will last for hours in the night, for talking sense into me, for making me feel special, for coming all the way down to pei me at my downest moments. noone will ever have the same impact on my life as u did. u're a great guy, trust me. and i'll never forget u. whether u like it or not. muahahahaha! all the best in whatever u do, and God bless.

wells.. 10 guys.. so hard to pick out 10 lor.. haha.. but oh wells. i did it. feeling lost again. random!! i gotta go cook dinner le. bye! ps. the 10 guy mentioned!!!! tell me if u know who u are. or rather, guess who u are!! next post will be of 10 girlfriends le. hehe.. bye people. =) have a great day!

2006-11-12T21:42:00.000+08:00

oh dear.. i realised that i owe Leqi this for a long time.. here are the photos that we took on our date out!

i kinda miss secondary school life nehx..
although not really so but.. ya.. still miss.. WHAT AM I TALKING ABOUT?! nvm. hha! lovely pictures!

boo

2006-11-12T00:05:00.001+08:00

Girls are like apples on trees.
The best ones are at the top of the tree.
The boys dont want to reach for the good ones
because they r afraid of falling and getting hurt.
Instead, they get the rotten apples from the ground that arent as good, but easy.
So the apples up top think something wrong with them when in reality they're amazing.
They just have to wait for the right boy to come along,
the one who's brave enough to climb allthe way to the top of the tree.

haha.. i ripped this from a testimonial of a friend of a friend of a friend. lol! i'm supposed to be sleeping now. haha.. good night anyway.

helps!

2006-11-11T00:16:00.000+08:00

well.. i've been lying around at home the entire day. and tmr as well.
i can't get out of the house cuz i'm down with stomach flu.. so.. sigh..
fortunately, dear came to see me. haha..
really so glad he came. =)
but now that he's gone back, i suddenly feel really lost.
i also dunno why.. jia lat.. maybe i'm like getting too dependent on him. :(
but might not be that too.. might be the medicine..
haix..
told jorge but he also ignored me. :( haha.. nvm la.
ANYWAYS, AUDREY IS BACK! WHEE!!! she bought a handbag and a polo tee for me. haha.. so glad she's back.. but i'll be sleeping down here while she's up there. hmmm.. haha.. the first thing i heard from her was a very loud BUUURRRRPP. so typical of her. haha.. missed her!

i'm still very lost..
sigh.. helps!!!

randomism

2006-11-07T00:53:00.000+08:00

wheeeeee.. PW is over! haha..
though i admit my group's OP was a little bit screwed up, i think we did our best and that was much much better than the last 2 dry-runs. CONGRATES PEOPLE!

to celebrate our victory over PW, we went to watch a movie with the other group's girls. had a hard time deciding stuff due to the relatively large number (8) HA. but we had fun.. i guess. well, at least i did. :) We watched the covenant. the actors and actress/es were like HOT ok.. ESP CALEB and TAYLOR. super cute. heeeee.. i liked it most when their eyes blacken. black eyes are nice. :) went 'dating' with the rest from the grps that presented later. haha.. went to cathay.. the most entertaining ones were LE-QI and YUWEN. haha.. the 2 of them are like happy all the time. so nice to be happy right. :) sorry if i seemed to be a bit sian. its not that i'm trying to be a wet blanket or that i dun like u guys.. haha.. its just that i'm more serious ba. haha.. pls dun be offended.

hehe.. den i took the train towards boon lay with Flo. she's really nice lor.. gave me a vitC sweet cuz i'm sick... aww... hehe..
some guys from SP said that she was hot. and gave her their numbers. haha.. her reaction was so cute.. she just stared at the (phone) screen for a few sec and said "ok. i think i can remember" hehe.. i do agree that she's hot. lol

BENJAMIN ROCKS/ (ok maybe he does stone more than he rocks. HAHA) he's so nice.... yesterday he came over and helped me bake butter cake. haha.. quite screwed up too, but then, haha.. very fun. haha.. den later on in the night, he helped me with my OP speech even though he was sososososososososososo tired. sweet right? haha.. today he said because of the cake den he have stomachache.. zzzzzz ..... so poor thing!

i'm very happy now. very contented with what i have. i want to be a nurse. ha. no link.

i know the Lord will find a way for me
i know the Lord will find a way for me
if i walk in Heaven's light;
shun the wrong and do the right
i know the Lord will find a way for me.

quizzz haha

2006-10-22T18:19:00.000+08:00

Heyy guys.. here's something that i ripped from meda's blog on her request. lol.. its quite amusing. haha..

1. Put your music player on shuffle
2. Press forward for each question
3. Use the song title to answer the questions although it may not make sense
4. Tag 5 people to do the [lame] quiz
5. Bold the questions so as not to blind others

how are you feeling today?
>> Rich girl [Gwen Stefani featurign Eve]
lol!! yea.. quite true actually, got back $70 +++ refund for AGI logistics! whee..

how do your friends see you?
>>We're all in this together [various artists from High School Musical]
lol.. i guess NOVEMBER will remember me for something like that. haha!! told them on course day 1 that we're all in this shit together. hehe..

will you get married?
>>My happy ending [Avril Lavingne]
maybe i will afterall and that will be my happy ending?? or "so much for my happy ending"? i think it'll be the latter.

whats your best friend's theme song?
>>That thing you do. [the Wonders]
lol.. no comment?

what was primary school like?
>>swing swing [all-American Rejects]
lol.. yea.. used to like the swings a lot in pri school! den my poor sister always didn't get a go when there was only 1 swing available. HA! now she's the one that always gets her way. lol..

how can you get ahead in life?
>>Never had a dream come true [S-club 7]
ironicly, this song is kinda bout not being able to forget the past.. hmmm..

what is the best thing about your friends?
>>Nobody's listening [linkin park]
they don't listen? HA!

what is in store for this weekend?
>>Welcome to my life [Sinple plan]
haha.. welcome to my busy busy life.

what song describes you?
>> Yi Lai [Justin Woo]
lol lol lol.. ya.. very dependent on pp. lol wish it was independent woman though. haha

to describe your grandparents?
>>someday
someday i'll see them again? i dunno.. only my paternal grandfather is left..

how is your life going?
>>my old man [Good Charlotte]
i'm gonna be like my old man?? head full of white hair??!! this quiz is starting to get weird!!

what song will they play at your funeral?
>>soak up the sun
wahaha.. they're gonna soak up the sun with their tears.. aww...

how does the world see you?
>>Teenage dirtbag [Wheatus]
oh man.. this is sad.. :(

will you have a happy life?
>>incomplete [Backstreet boys]
i guess not? haha..

what do your friends really think of you?
>>God must have spent a little more time on you [NSync]
aww.. lol!!!

do people secretly lust after you?
>> Save me [Remy Zero]
somebody save me!! i wouldn't know. they didn't tell me and even if they did, its not a secret le. haha!!!

how can i make myself happy?
>>yi qian nian yi qian [Jj Lin]
lol! must do what pp did 1000 years ago?? lol

what should you do with your life?
>>Going under [Evanescence]
lol!! alright, maybe i will.. lol.. become some unknown figure.. whee!

will you ever with children?
>>Sometimes love just ain't enough [Patty Smith and Don Henley]
if love isn't enough to sustian my marriage (IF i even get married in the first place) then ya lor.. MAYBE. i'm just glad the song wasn't.. nvm. haha!

yo Yo these 5 pp please go and copy the quiz and do also k? haha.. its quite fun. lol

1)Ben (but i'm sure his will be all BoA's songs. HA)
2)Davin
3)Samo
4)Leqi
5)someone from Klang?

wed

2006-10-18T16:45:00.000+08:00

haha.. today is wednestday. i dunno what am i doing blogging here when i should be doing my WR. bored i guess..
but i tink i have to go do cuz think that choon kiat is already quite pissed with me. haha.. kinda pissed him off yesterday and this morning. so if u're reading this, sorry ok?
yupps.. gonna get back to my work now. HA.

:(

2006-10-09T19:11:00.000+08:00

Zelda is not happy now.

jia you zelda.

promos are over

2006-10-09T16:32:00.000+08:00

This is madness! haha..
Wells, i'm just so glad that promos are over! whoots!
haha... i'm feeling happy now.. even though today hasn't exactly been the best of all days.
The haze is really getting on my nerves.. or rather, into my eyes. argh..
mom's feeling sick due to the horrible weather conditions too. sigh..
nonetheless, Zelda is still happy!!

Mid autumn festival this year is one of the most fun ones! whee!! haha..
took quite a number of photos, got a few bruises, blisters, but still so fun/funny! haha
moreover, my zhong qiu jie was spent with my loved oneS. haha.. yayee!!

Yesterday was our first year together.. yayee! still have some fuzzy images of how it all started but.. haha! yesterday was great.. everyday is great. haha.. yayee.. =) we went to eat dinner at this really nice place at raffles city. haha.. Ben was so funny! but i shall not embarrass him here. hehe!!!! =X the food was great.. ambience was great too. lol.. sweeet! i got a new watch too! haha... so happy.. =D

its been a year and a day now!
hope i can do better in the second year!
love u lots and thank you for loving me. =)

Next sat is open house already.
so fast! haha.. meda, her friend, vic and eudora are coming down! haha..
people who read this, come down too if u are free k? haha.
we open at 9! its at 55 potong pasir ave 1. do check out our webbie for more details, and the map. =) http://www.standrewsjc.moe.edu.sg/

wooo... gonna chiong the 4 proposals and wr already. =)
bye peeps! be happy! whee..

Thank God for u
Thank God for me
Thank God for us.
Thank God for everything! haha..

POC

2006-09-26T15:05:00.000+08:00

omg.. my feelings are so mixed up now. i wish i could have blogged a few days ago..
lets get the biggest thing out of my head now.
poc
230906- the day i will never forget.
wells.. it all started off in the morning when i had to rush out a report that i forgot to do a day before. haha.. met melvin like 15min later. bleahx.. anyways.. yupp.. i was so worried that i's forget to bring something.. haha.. melvin was complainin how sad he was from the moment he met me till the time we ended poc. oh wells.. do cheer up melvin. now that thing is over le!!! study hard.

anyways, we got to dolby ghaut 20 min late. to meet up with AGI people. yupp.. we were doing a board for william sir and jun yang sir. den kena chased away by the mrt staff.. too noisy le. haha!
so we headed to mos to finish it up. den halfway, we started giving out appreciation cards and stuff.. was so touching la. poc haven't start and i wanted to cry already. sigh.. its hard letting out your emotions when all your friends are around.

but ANYWAY, we went to fort canning's LEGEND to change and report. not late! whee! den huihui and i went over t0 nov to learn the dance.. quite hard to catch nehs.. but heng my partner stanley is quite pro. haha.. sigh.. let me proclaim something. ITS VERY HARD TO CHOOSE BETWEEN NOVEMBER AND AGI COMM.. sigh.. its all over now.. SIGH.. no chance of redemption..

okok.. so after we reported, had a few rounds of practice, and out dinner (we were eating bee hoon with spoons. yes, u're right. SPOONS) nothing wrong with that, but oh wells.. before we knew it, we were plastering on our widest smiles, welcoming the superbly high ranking officers into the ballroom. yupp.. Wee eng was beside me( yayee!) and standing beside me in the form up position too. haha! he's a really nice guy. and oh yea.. THERE WAS PORN IN THE PA ROOM. eeeeekkkkkkkssssss! ahem.. the guys were getting pretty excited over it but that's not the point. haha... anyways, soon the ceremony started and den ya lor.. !!!!! the awards!

outstanding ambulance trainee (alpha): Leovine
outstanding nursing trainee (alpha): hwee ching
outstanding ambulance trainee (bravo): MELVIN NG KAI MING
outstanding nursing trainee (bravo): Wai ching (NOVEMBERIAN)
best ambulance trainee: yean lih
best nursing trainee: mei zhu

SO PROUD OF ALL OF THEM. ESP MELVIN, LEOVINE, WAI CHING AND YEANLIH!!! haha.. quite sad though.. some of the expected ones didn't get.. but congrates to all anyways! hehe.. now we have 3 treats from AGI pp le. wahahahahhaha!

sigh.. den it was time to be commissioned. some unknown zone commissioner commissioned me. sigh. and Mr koh was opposite me lor. not that i really like him. but it would have been nice to be commissioned by your own zone com. SIGH. samo was commissioned by zone 3 zc. LUCKY HER. not too sure bout the others though.. wells, the guy going down my row commissioning us was really slow. seriously.. think some novemberians were the last to be commissioned and it was already 9 plus. we haven't eaten yet. yikes! haha.. it was really amusing though. taking about amusing. i didn't want to laugh during TYP's speech lor. den when he said "thanks you all the jone commissioners....." i cracked up le. haha..den wai mun and wee eng (both beside me) asked me to keep it down. hhaa!!! it was really very very very funny.. lol..

on a more serious note.. i was thinking of John B and Xin yi. oh.. how i wish they were there with us.. THERE WILL ALWAYS BE 18 PEOPLE IN NOVEMBER. really can't imagine why they wouldn't be here. the commissioning part was really a bitter-sweet moment for me. wish Thanesh and hui min were there too.. so sad lahh... den i saw samo crying and forced myself not to shed a tear. moreover, steph was squeezing my hand asking me to bear with it. sighhhhhh...

the video presentation was also very touching.. wanted to cry when choco ma'am and xiao wei sir were saying their msg. sigh.. i'm gonna miss november so much. the video really made me reflect on all the good times that we had. and all the fun and laughter. not forgetting all the sweaty smelly and wet moments. yah.. i won't ever forget this OTC.

straight away after we put on our ranks, they brought us upstairs to take OTC photo with all the VIP and important guests. haha.. jon c crapped alort and made us laugh like siao. can't imagine otc without him. won't be that funny anymore lor.. haha... anyways. we took a lot a lot of photos.. argh.. i miss sj already.. :(

dinner was nice. the food was fabbbbbulousssssssssss. yummy. hehe. so fun.. we eat halfway then run somewhere else to take photo and congratulate people.. haha.. hugs and handshakes were exchanged.. den we presented the mounting boards to the 2 SIs. think they liked it ba.. and jun yang sir SMILED!!! CELINE HAS A PHOTO OF THAT. HEEEEEE.. he's really charismatic lor.. pity he doesn't really smil. wonder how he can stand not doing that when someone wants to take a photo with him. hmmm.. wells.. up to him la. i tink he looks cuter when he smiles. =) yupps... den went around hugging almost everyone.. and him. hee.. didn't really want to let go. wonder if he did too... oh wells..

during dinner, Yeanlih passed us a bottle of 9 saga seeds and a star inside. i was soooooo touched when i found out what it meant: there's a star in each and everyone of u... Saga seeds are part of yean lih's collection and it also means alot to me since the otc camp. 9- the number of committee members in AGI comm.. yupp.. thanks yean lih!!!! i love AGI com...

den it was performance time! had a lot of fun dancing and watching the other groups, as well as joining in the fun! esp the chicken dance. hahaha! chu wen ma'am was so sporting lor.. even though she broke the heel of her court shoes. haha! 3 cheers for her! haha.. it was so.. how to say.. it felt as if we were a big family. and its so sad that we have to separate into our zones now. sigh!

the last part of it all is when they marched us out of the ballroom. i think we al marched our best that time and all the officers were cheering for us. shouting out "well done!" or "congratulations!"
i so love St John.

Novemeber:
Jon c, John B, Roy, Wee Eng, Zhen shun, stanley, Hairianto (marianto), Qing an, Shu juan, steph, wai ching, yan yin (yan ma), wai mun, hui hui, xin yi, Choco ma'am and xiao wei (da niao) sir.

AGI:
Leovine (RIP), melvin (yamster), hui hui, celine, pei jun, yean lih(papa) , weiting, qing jun (bro), william sir (pastor lim) and jun yang sir

Zone 4:
samo, wei xuan, melvin, hui min, yong sheng, pongsy, ben tan, mavin, john b, amanda, kian leong, thanesh, Timo sir, mervyn sir, hui ling ma'am, brandon sir

i cried while looking at all the photos just now.. sigh... so sad.. and so happy at the same time! tears of happiness, sadness, regret?..... this OTC has been rather similar to ANCO camp 2004 too.. so much emotion and feeling into it. (except maybe the scandals are not about me anymore. haha!)

guess i'll leave the rest for another day.. gotta go study now but i doubt i can concentrate.
i'm gonna leave with a song! well.. half of it at least.

everybody's got something they have to leave behind.
1 regret from yesterday that just seems to grow with time
there's no use looking back a-wondering
how it should be now or might have been.
all this i know but still i can't find ways to let you go

i never had a dream come true
till the day that i found u
even though i pretend that i've moved on
u'll always be my baby
i've never foud the words to say
"u're the one i think about each day"
and i know no matter where life takes me to,
a part of me will always be with u..

what jone are u from??

-Zelda SJAB. OTC'06. Bravo. November. AGI. me

2006-09-19T21:56:00.000+08:00

i'm dying. seriously i am

1. EOM
2. I&R
3. Promos
4. Having no life in school
5. From the fighting within

thank God i still have him and samo. who hasn't exactly given up on me yet.

so many things i haven't blogged about. feel so sad right now. relly really sad.. plus i'm dying

whee! going somewhere better

2006-08-10T00:06:00.000+08:00

sigh..
its been really hectic since 2 weeks ago.
lotsa activities, PIANO EXAM, AGI meetings, PN, studies, H1 common test etc etc.
i think i have been leaving God out of my life for a very long time..
and not just that. i think i have left a lot of other important things out in my life.
this has gotta change. but it won't be easy.. i think my schedule will only get more and more packed.. pray for me ok?

sigh..
not only am i missing out on the important things in life, my health has also been getting worse.
nuff said.
i don't wanna go for surgery!!! ><

back

2006-07-21T15:13:00.000+08:00

haha.. wanna hear my new resolution?
dun care, i'll tell u anyway.

be a happy person! haha.. so for me to say that, but i figured if i want to tell my friends to cheer up and stuff, i'd have to be happy first. haha...
anyways, do remind me to smile more ok? thanks lots.

oh wells. maybe my problems aren't as big as i'm imagining them. i'm just overreacting ba.. hmmm...
pray for me k? only God can help me now..

life's been really busy these few weeks, first it was commendation, den the common tests, den pw, den other committee stuff.. oh ya.. and OTC. oh mann... anyways, i'm still happy that at least i have friends going through the same thing as me and can complain WITH them. wahaha..

yea.. gotta go back to my workload le. cya guys..

2006-07-04T19:31:00.000+08:00

oh wells.. the internet seems to like me today.. its working. haha
just had GP and bio today.
i'll be super surprised if i even pass. haha
but oh wells.. didn;'t really prepare for it so its my fault..

feeling so crappy now la.. i'm having fever.
gonna flunk chem tmr too.
oh mann.. what is my life becoming.

so screwed.
its all my fault.

190 questions!

2006-07-01T23:47:00.000+08:00

1. Your name: Chen Min Yi Zelda
2. Straight/gay/bi?: Straight
3. Single?: yupp. but not available
4. Want to be?: huh? want to be what? single?
5. Your birthday: 17th march 1989
6. Age you act: hmmm.. guess it depends on my mood.
7. Age you wish you were: uh.. none? think i like being 17
8. Your height: 1.64m
9. The color of your eyes: dark brown?
10. Happy with it?: i guess.. green would be nice though..
11. The color of your hair: uh.. reddish brown? the DIY black dye doesn't really stay on..
12. Happy with it?: yea.. prefered the brown with red highlights though..
13. Left/right/ambidextrous?: Right. working on the left though..
14. Your living arrangement?: uh.. i stay with my family.
15. Your family: is amazing. u gotta meet them someday. oh yes.. and i'm part of the christian family too! ^^
16. What's your job: student.
17. Piercings?: yupp..
18. Tattoos?: Nope.
19. Obsessions?: throwing things away
20. Do you speak another language?: besides English? yupp..
21. Have a favorite quote?: "do unto others what u would want them do to u"
22. Do you have a webpage?: My blog?
23. Do you live in the moment?: yea.. most of the time.. guess that's why i have so many problems? haha..
24. Do you consider yourself tolerant of others?: yupp..
25. Do you have any secrets?: everyone has secrets.
26. Do you hate yourself?: yupp.
27. Do you like your handwriting?: NO
28. Do you have any bad habits?: yupp..
29. What is the compliment you get most from people?: u're nice
30. If a movie were made about your life, what would it be called?: "TICKETS ARE SOLD OUT"
32. Can you sing: yes. i sing alto
33. Do you ever pretend to be someone else just to look cool?: hmmm.. nope.. but i did try to change my name to fit in. haha..
34. Are you a loner?: dun tink so
35. If you were another person, would you be friends with you?: yupp.. why not?
36. Are you a daredevil?: quite ba..
37. Is there anything you fear or hate about yourself?: yupp..
38. Are you passive or aggressive?: passively aggressive
.39. What is your greatest strength and weakness?: i'm not very sure about strength.. weakness: i find it hard to say no to people.
40. If you could change one thing about yourself?: my lazy attitude
41. There are three wells - love, beauty and creativity. Which one do you choose?: to commit suicide in? love.
42. How do you vent?: throw things away.
43. Do you think you are emotionally strong?: no.
44. Is there anything you regret doing/not doing in life?: yes. but what's the point.
45. Do you think life has been good so far?: yupp.. i can't ask for more.
46. What is the most important lesson you've learned from life?: you can find time if u want to.
47. What do you like the most about your body?: my liver! though i've never seen it before..
48. least?: everythin else?
49: do you think you are good looking?: not really.
50. Are you confident?: no, that's one of my weaknesses too.
51. What is the fictional character you're most like?: dory- finding nemo
52. Do people know how you feel?: depends. haha
53. Are you perceived wrongly?: at times.
54. Smoke?: NO
55. Do drugs?: NEVER
56. Read the newspaper?: just did this morning
57. Pray?: whenever i can.
58. Go to church?: Yes!
59. Talk to strangers who IM you?: what's IM?
60. Sleep with stuffed animals?: yes! 1 dog 2 donkies and 1 winnie the pooh head. haha!
61. Take walks in the rain?: yes.. always love to. so refreshing..
62. Talk to people even though you hate them?: yupp. there's only 1 though.
63. Drive?: no
64. Like to drive fast?: no
65. Like your voice?: not really. but i wouldn't wanna change it
66. Hurt yourself?: yes.
67. Been out of the country?: Yes.
68. Eaten something that made other people sick?: dun tink so. i'm not very adventurous when it comes to food.
69. Burped?: yes
70. Been unfaithful?: yes
71. Been in love?: Yupp, still am.
72. Done drugs?: no
73. Gone skinny dipping?: haha! no!
74. Had a surgery?: no
75. Ran away from home?: yea.. to me it was. but i tink u guys won't consider that running away la.
76. Played strip poker: No
77. Gotten beaten up?: no
78. Been picked on?: yes
79. Been on stage?: yupp
80. Slept outdoors?: yupp
81. Thought about suicide?: yupp
82. Pulled an all-nighter?: yupp.
83. If yes, what is your record?: ar? all night lor.
84. Talked on the phone all night?: yupp
85. Slept together with the opposite sex without actually having sex?: yupp. poor guy
86. Slept all day?: no
87. Killed someone?: no!
88. Made out with a stranger?: no
89. Had sex with a stranger?: No.
90. Thought you were going crazy?: yes
91. Kissed the same sex?: on the cheek? yes
92. Done anything sexual with the same sex?: no.
93. Been betrayed?: yes..
94. Had a dream that came true?: yes. it was scary. cuz my dreams are wierd. cept for Ben. haha!
95. Broken the law?: jay walking?? oh yea.
96. Met a famous person?: yes! LIN JUN JIE WAS A FEW FEET IN FRONT OF ME. hee.
97. Have you ever killed an animal by accident?: yes
98. Stolen anything?: no
99. Been on radio/TV?: no
100. Been in a mosh-pit?: dun tink so..
101. Had a nervous breakdown?: no
102. Considered religious vocation?: yupp
103. Been criticized about your sexual performance?: no. haven't done it
104. Bungee jumped?: no. would love to
105. Had a dream that kept coming back?: yes. its scary.
106. Shoe brand?: Nike, Adidas
107. Brand of clothing?: not much pref. i'm in school uniform most of the time.
108. Cologne/perfume?: Hugo boss intense for women
109. What are you normally wearing to school/work?: uniform
110. Wear hats?: baret? yea.. on sundays for OTC
111. Wear make-up?: yes. just eyeliner. sometimes mascara. haha..
112. Favorite place to shop?: uh.. depends for what la..
113. Favorite article of clothing?: tops!
114. Are you trendy?: not really
115. Would you rather wear a uniform to school/work?: yes. less headache of what to wear
116. Believe in life on other planets?: no
117. Miracles?: nope
118. Astrology?: yes.
119. Magic?: yupp
120. God?: YES!
121. Satan?: Yes.
122. Santa?: Nope. hohoho
123. Ghosts?: no.
124. Luck?: yea.. pretty much
125. Love at first sight?: No.
126. Yin and Yang?: No.
127. Witches?: Yes.
128. Believe it's possible to remain faithful forever?: Yes. i want to be
129. Believe there's a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow?: yea.. cuz noone will ever find it.
130. Do you wish on stars?: no
131. Did you get frightened or uncomfortable seeing that as a section title?: nope
132. Do you remember your first love?: yes. ouch!
133. Still love him/her?: no.
134. Do you consider love a mistake?: how can it be? love is a beautiful thing.
135. What do you find romantic?: stonning? hahah.. must stone at the correct places though. haha!
136. Turn-on?: someone considerate, polite and has initiative
137. Turn-off?: smokers, drinkers, vulgarities'
138. Do you base your judgment on looks alone: depends whether or not the person can leave me with an impression in 30 sec.
139. If someone you had no interest in dating expressed interest in dating you, how would you feel?: bad.
140. Do you prefer knowing someone before dating them or going "blind"?: not much pref.
141. Have you ever wished it were more "socially acceptable" for a girl to ask a guy out?: oh yea.. who wouldn't?
142. Have you ever been romantically attracted to someone physically unattractive?: yea..
143. Do you think the opposite sex finds you good looking?: had a few praises here and there.. should be ok ba..
144. What is best about the opposite sex?: they make life complete.
145. What is the worst thing about the opposite sex?: HORNY! ALL OF THEM
146. What's the last present someone gave you?: a lunch treat. thanks davin!
147. Are you in love?: Yes, very much.
148. Do you consider your significant other hot?: yea..
149. What would you do if you were walking down the street and saw some hot guy/girl standing on the sidewalk?: take another look? eye candy!
WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON...
150. That haunted you?: define haunted
151. You wanted to kill?: No one.
152. That you laughed at?: Benjamin.
153. That laughed at you?: benjamin too.
154. That turned you on?: ar?
155. You went shopping with?: samo
157. To disappoint you?: me
158. To ask you out?: Benjamin
159. To make you cry?: Benjamin
160. To brighten up your day?: Benjamin
161. That you thought about?: Benjamin.
162. You saw a movie with?: Samo
163. You talked to on the phone?:MOm
164. You talked to through IM?: what's Im?
165. You saw?:Audrey
166. You lost?: Dunno..
167. You thought was completely insane?: Myself
168. You wanted to be?: Benjamin
169. You told off?: MOm
170. You trusted?: Benjamin
171. You turned down?: hmmm..
WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU...
172. Smiled?: just
173. Laughed?: an hour ago perhaps, when Ben was still here..
174. Cried?: yesterday
175. Bought something?:at bout 2045 on 1st july
176. Danced?: Can't remember.
177. Were sarcastic?: just
178. Hugged someone?: at about 2310 1st july
179. Talked to an ex?: 30th june
180. Watched your favorite movie?: Dunno.
181. Had a nightmare?: Dun remember.
182. Talked on the phone?: bout 30 min ago
183. Listened to the radio?: last evening
184. Watched TV?: just.. world cup now.
185. Helped someone?: yesterday. donated to some organisation flag day.
187. Sang?: few min ago.
188. Saw a movie in a theater?: last tue
189. Said "I love you"?: Today!
190. Missed someone?: EVERYDAY!

vacations????

2006-07-01T23:35:00.000+08:00

sigh.. school holidays are over and and i haven't blogged :((
oh wells.. bleahx.. was a really busy june for me.. lotsa camps..
ok.. maybe i'll start by talking bout all the camps that i went to, starting from the last one. haha..
youth camp 2006 (camp christine, 11th june to 14th june)
sunday(11th june)
after worship, Ben and i went to buy last minute stuff - ice, watermelons and safety pins. haha.. very heavy nehx.. thank God Ben was with me. haha.. wells anyway, it started raining before we got back to the building. so we were kinda drenched. haha.. den after we got back, it started raining cats and dogs. and the bus was 45 min late.. had a hard time loading all the stuff up to the bus. haha.. well anyway, everyone helped so it was ok in the end. at least we had cool weather for the rest of the day + night + next morning. haha.. the beds were more comfy than i thought xia, spring mattresses! haha.. and the way we separated the guys side from the girl's was so funny. haha! wells, sunday wasn't much.. had games, dinner.. den lesson by.. peter! he asked us to write our strengths, weaknesses and what we would like to learn. den i had to run to cook green bean soup! haha.. kinda screwed up i guess.. haha! too much water.. but it was much more fun cuz meda and chris helped me.. thanks guys! day ended with a briefing den a chilly bath ar 2330. haha..
monday(12th june)
woke up in the middle of the night cuz of the cold.. brrr.. the next thing i remembered hearing was "kelvin, kelvin!" den i glanced at my alarm clock.. not even 0715 yet.. we were supposed to get up at 0745.. haha.. zilin was worried bout his first song leading, so he and kelvin were practicing downstairs. so nice of kel. haha.. yupp.. during the morning exercise, i was preparing breakfast.. really like chef lor. :( but wasn't that high class la.. just had eggs and bread for breakfast. haha.. den it was devotion den lesson.. (ok, i tink i better cut out details. this will take forever!!) kel's lesson was great.. the powerpoint slides were, wow! well done bro.. its very encouraging to see younger brothers sharing during devotions, leading in songs and prayers, and especially when they help each other out in preparation to serve. aww...
haha! wells.. lessons and games were how we spent monday and tuesday. oh yes, not forgetting our skit too! haha...
tuesday(13th june)- the longest day.
breakfast as usual.. same stuff. haha.. den we were preparing for the skit when i realised that i still haven't done so many stuff for the bbq. haven't cut the watermelon, the corn, sweet potato etc. wahh. almost panic. luckily mom was there early.. so she helped me quite a bit. and many others helped out too.. like chris, crystal, da sao.. haha.. after most of the stuff were settled, den had to go rehearsal for our skit. Kan dang and Yi fu (Adam and Eve) haha.. i played Yi Fu. lol.. ironic.. but nvm. haha.. we had so much fun.. Jia meng was so funny lor.. our whole group was great.. unfortunately, eudora fell sick. :( the other groups did great for their skits too~! audrey played an ah lian, also a super abstract from Adam and eve. haha..
indoor games were great.. we had to eat this potato chip which was placed on our foreheads by wriggling our faces. haha.. Eudora managed to get it in, den i did.. den jia meng almost got it in, but it dropped. haha.. den we had to get the non- campers to rep our group. Ben played for us and he got it in! so proud of him! haha.. he was so fast too! haha.. after games was the prize giving thingy.. dun say who first who third la, we're all 1 big happy family!! haha... anyway we shared the prizes among everyone, so ya lor, no diff. haha.. we had a confidence walk after that.. not scary de.. cuz the moon was full and so bright. so nice.........
after that we started thonning. haha.. was pretty upset actually.. but nvm.. haha.. we had a long long debrief for organizing comm.. something i wanna mention: when we talked about the BBQ, we were saying bout how messy it was at first but then became very fun, there was only 1 person who thanked me- kelvin. haha.. so touched *sobs* lol ok, emotions aside. we all agreed that the camp was a success and was better than everyone's expectations. side tract, to thank
Vincent: our advisor.. who ended up doing a lot of SK too! haa. thanks for being such a good mentor.
Leon: unseen ex camp i/c. thanks for helping out during the beginning! u must stay healthy and survive NS k? will be praying for ya~!
Kelvin: camp i/c cum games i/c really great job bro.. your efforts really payed off. Thank God for u! and keep it up!
Eugene: camp i/c cum enthusiastic group 2 leader. haha.. could really see your leadership skills.. haha... keep the spirits up bro!
Audrey: treasurer. good job in collecting the money, mei! still have settle some receipt problem though. haha.. come back from OBS quick!!!
Joseph: bible class i/c haha.. good thing all the lessons went smoothly. haha.. good job as our group (3) leader too!! 3 cheers for group 3!
Shirley: publications i/c. aww.. too bad u couldn't make it.. :( so wanted u to come! but well done for the publication. haha..
yea.. that's our organizing comm.. oh yea.. plus me too! haha..
ok, think after the meeting was 0035? around there... Audrey and i went to bathe.. refreshing xia!!! haha.. super chilly water. super nice. haha.. we spent 10 min on each foot trying to get mud off lor. cuz we payed water games and captain's ball on the field barefooted that afternoon. haha.. back to games when we went back down. noone was in the dorm even though it was like 1? haha.. yupps... played murderer, reversi, taboo, speed etc.. haha.. so fun/funny. haha.. ya.. Ben was still playing risk.. he didn't come and talk to me at all lor.. was pretty pissed that time. yupp.. haha.. oh wells.. we talked it out a little later, den ok le. haha.. think i fell asleep for awhile on his shoulder too. haha.. bleahx.. but we stayed up pretty much all night. wahh.. next day very jia lat. had to clean up and stuff.. haha.. nuff' said.. 3 cheers for everyone! (esp group3)
yea.. we even have a special hand sign lor. haha.. yea!!!!
do i have time to talk bout LTC and ANCOC? bleahs.. think not. haha... wells. next time then. haha! cya..

2006-05-23T16:56:00.001+08:00

hi everyone! i'm back at the mrl of SAJC. haha..
yes, i know, i know.. its been a long time since i've updated. haha.. sorry..
anyway, piece of good news(?) i got into SC!
many thanks to those who voted for me.. heex!
will try my very best to be a very good servant leader k? haha..
thanks for the chance.
and thank my beloved father in heaven for blessing me..
but then again.. it wasn't such a happy occation..
yupp.. mann.. wish samo was in too.. :(
guess i'm gonna be super busy after this.
sigh..

anyways, i'm falling sick.. haven't really been in the pink of health recently.
maybe its not enuf sleep? guess it'll get worse. lol..
oh ya.. i suddenly remembered why i wanted to blog about. haha...

on 17th may 2006, SAJC rugby team beat RJC. 15- 10.
think everyone was pretty surprised with the results.. didn't realy expect to win.. cuz we lost to them once before. haha...
anyways, i was holding the banner on the opposite side of where the crowd was sitting, and where the RJC reserve team was. when we drew first blood, they cursed and swore at us. den when they scored the next try, den they cursed super loudly too. yupp.. i thought RJC pp are like, top notch, highly educated in terms of MANNERS too.. oh wells. haha.. anyway, got a chance to laugh back at them. HAHA.. so unlike SAINTS. bleahs.
was then i found out that the hockey girls also beat RJC. double victory!! haha..

the next day was shuli's birthday..
we went to swensens at orchard to celelbrate.. haha.. samo, shuli, wee wee and i. its been such a long time since we sat down to just eat and talk. and of course, wait for our DEAREST yu mei to come. haha.. the meal was so sinful. i even had milkshake. haha!
6-chicks, 3 bitches rock my socks!!!
love u, shuli!

yupp.. then on saturday was the ANCO theory course.. haha.. nothing much happened.
just that someone pissed samo off really bad. JERK!!
saw him..

sunday was pretty normal.. just that after worship was tracting, then YF. den Ben came over to teach me math and stayed for dinner. i hate asymptotes!!!!!!

haha.. finally found a song. s club 7's never had a dream come true. whee... lovin it. not.

ok, i gotta go. briefing's starting soon. chao!

2006-05-09T16:24:00.000+08:00

oh oh oh! have inspiration to write.. maybe its cuz of my growling stomach..
anyways, why do stomachs growl? (why can't they meow?)
lame
ANYway, recently, freddy passed me some song lyrics.
and yupp, as u should have guessed, they.. well.. hmmm..
how should i put it.. stirred up some thoughts?
OH WELL

i wonder why people care so much when i don't say anything. so unlike the past. back then, no one gave a s**t if i said anything about how i feel. never really gotten over that.. and i guess habits are hard to break. moreover, noone actually has time to really listen to every single one of their friends. much less understand them. b'well actually its kinda impossible. maybe i learnt to open up a little in sec school. maybe i did it too much? so like, whooo... its the total opposite, and there i am trying to get a grip of myself before i tear into 2. so what should i do now? think the answer most pp will give me is- balance. but.. wells.. nvm.. argh.. feeling even more crappy. and hungry. which reminds me.. nvm, i've forgotten.
kinda feel bad for the pp reading this.. sorry guys..

i need a hug....
from u...
where are u?

2006-05-09T15:41:00.000+08:00

put me down. is that all you can do?

anyway.. i'm in the school library again. yes, again. feeling kinda crapy now..
yupps... staying back for some briefing for sc campaign thingy..
i got through the interview!!!!! lol.. happiness.

plus another piece of good news, my mom's lung scan showed that there is nothing wrong with her lungs.
PRAISE THE LORD.
phew.. so relieved...

sigh.. i actually had so much to say.. forgotten already.. :(
i'm getting old. oh wells..

a different meaning

2006-05-01T17:19:00.000+08:00

a different meaning:
hmmmm..
i put that as my url cuz of ailin.. i really wonder if she remembers me.
oh wells..

yea.. just an update, i screwed up my sc interview on friday.. :( :( sigh...
would take a miracle for me to get into sc. :(
anyways, i really had the time of my life before the interview actually started..
our last lesson was at LT2, where mrs leow told us ghost stories.. her stories weren't exactly scary.. the whole class was laughing and laughing.. lol..
den after lesson, we stayed in the LT to slack..
it was so fun! we were like, playing with the piano.. the mic, the OHP.. haha..
yea.. think there were 7 of us? lets see..
freddy, ruthy and 2 daughters, rayson, michael, me. yea.. choon kiat and Leqi left earlier.. haha..
so fun la.. really can just let down my hair and be myself.. sigh.. loving 06s18.

went for meeting on saturday.. supposed to start at 1300 but started at 1430. so sian la..
so many things i didn't do. well, made up for it le. sorry sorry. after that shuli, samo, melvin, mavin and i went to bugis to get timo's present. den we were talking about ideal height for girls and guys.. haha for girls, multiply your height by 1.08 . haha.. 164 x 1.08= 177 hmmm..
oh yea.. yesterday was very fun nehx.. morning went to church, den pei meda to imm.. after that went for ben and jerrys at suntec. lol.. so nice mann.. thanks brandon! lol..
timo's party was a blast.. except i think that there were too many different groups of people/ friends.. poly, class, ns, relatives, sj ex officers, sj juniors.. haha a lot nehx. oh yea. haha.. when we were looking for the chalet, we came to this club where pp of all age were dancing some line dance. so cool! the ah ma's in mini skirt looked very funny.. but so hip lo. lol.. cool..
anyway, when we were there, saw lye kwan, kelly etc.. brought back a lot of memories.. haha.. both sweet and bitter.. oh wells.. has been such a long time since i've seen them.
after the cake cutting, timo was being sabo'ed. he even had to kiss eugene.. lol!!!

timo, you rock, forever! happy belated 21st birthday..

went to colin and kero's blog just now.. they're so loving!! wahh.. sometimes i wonder why gays/ lesbians tend to be m0re loving than normal couples. not meaning the extreme, but yea, generally.. maybe it'll fizzle out? i dunno.. but oh wells..
read somewhere that we tend to be more angry at the ones we love than others.. haha.. is it cuz we look for their bad points more than others?

i dunno what i'm talking about. nvm.

drat.. there's school tmr.. :( sigh..

conquer your fears, zelda,
u can do it!

update!

2006-04-25T22:16:00.000+08:00

okok! i'll update.
by popular demand, here's an update

i just finished my 2nd draft of PI. bleahx..
other school finish 4th draft le lo.. haha..
anyways,i tink its screwed.

Xiao Jie got into house com! whee.. happy for her.
and they won the hockey match against TJC? haha.. dunno what school. only know they won. haha!

bleahx..
today went to suntec with samo to eat ben and jerry's ice cream! so nice..
had chunky monkey.. bite until jaw pain. haha.. stupid me..
saw flo and jo there.
after that went to gelare to eat waffle..
saw flo and jo there. we sat at the table in between the window and theirs.
haha.. quite comforting to know that even as u grow fat, others are too. =X
so funny.. we were talking about guys names.. like,
most Sean's (shawn, etc) are quite good looking.. (Daniel's too)
den i turned back to talk to samo when i heard "Benjamin..."
wahh.. i think my reaction was very uh.. hmmm... big? haha..
Jo and Flo said in unison that the Benjamins' they know are very pimply (full of pimples)
we burst out laughing.
of course, there are ALWAYS exceptions...

hmmm.. was his birthday not long ago..
think my present was screwed up..
had fun making it though.. haha..
learnt stuff too.
but the best thing is, i'm not sad anymore!!
alrighty then, lets get on.

i'm starting to hate going to school..
cuz have to travel very far..
den not much motivation.
bleahx................
i dun want!!!!!!:(

peek- a -booo
i see u.
drat!

2006-04-10T16:08:00.000+08:00

haha.. i'm in the school library again.. bleahx.. seems like this is one of the only times i can actually blog..
anyways, i'm still feeling sick from this morning's bus ride.. i'll never sit at the last row again..

yupp.. guss the day didn't start off well.. neither did yesterday.. but i tink today was worse..
anyway, dad spoiled everyone's mood by getting angry at some trivial matter.. yea, den everything started to get worse and worse..
u guys may call me sensitive.. but it really matters to me.. forget it.. noone understands.. who would even be willing to listen.. at least i have my father in heaven.. and him..

got told off early in the morning today.. *lets out a BIG sigh

think samo's in pretty bad shape too.. poor her..

i'm hungry.. *roars*

oh why do i feel this way..

school

2006-04-07T15:34:00.000+08:00

well well.. haha.. i'm in the school library! whee..
its 'easter week' or so they call it..
haha.. the school has been buzzing with activites. haha..
tink life concert was fun.. i didn't go though.. haa..
chapel today was meaningful.. the most meaningful one i've attended so far.. there was a mime performance.. den some pastor from church of the resurrection gave a talk..
i cried during the mime lehx.. (*blushes) while many others fell asleep..
so touching.. was about jesus being crucified..
and i realised- that God's love for us is really beyond description..
action speaks louder than words: there, Jesus died for us all.
while we, be it being ignorant or plain stubborn just sin over and over again.
i'm not denying that i'm one of them, noone is perfect..
sigh.. what am i saying? i must try to live a good christian life..
i.e. leave behind the old man and run the christian race.

however, though the week is supposed to be all "christian'ly"and "holy",
my pe teacher showed us no mercy..
maybe i'm just out of shape la. haha..
he's a really nice guy though.. wahaha.. mr tan rocks.
had pe just now, and my legs are aching like.. i dunno.. what aches a lot?

i'm so loving my class more and more.. they so totally rock! haha..
today during pe we were singing during the warm up. haha.. instead of the dead "1,2,3,4..."
and the nice nice pp who tagged me! heex... so glad that God allowed me to know such a great bunch of pp! too bad aaron left. too bad for him! haa..
guess jc life won't be so bad when u've got nice pp around ba.. just hope we can motivate each other to study hard! haha... 06s18 rocks!!!!

bleahx.. samo is beside me, typing at lightning speed. haha.. can't understand how she does that, but oh well, maybe i'm just slow.

tmr have to hand up the hiking proposal.. haven't even called jonathan yet.. oh wells..
haa.. dun reallly feel like doing lo.. wells, not really interested.. bleahx.. pp not in it won't understand.. need to plan route, think of where to head if it pours... talking about pouring, haha, i walked home in the rain yesterday. totally refreshing.. and yes, i was totally drenched. head to toe. yupp.. after my warm-warm-one-of-the-few-times-i-would-bathe-so-early bath, it was still raining cats and dogs. lol.. bleahx, but what the heck, thank God i didn't get struck by lightning!

guess i better go.. still have chem tutorial to finish! haha..

Be with me Lord..

well well well

2006-03-31T17:20:00.000+08:00

i'm feeling so down.
why are u sad now (or are u?)
well, whether u are or not, u certainly made me sad.
things would have been very different....
i understand u have your difficulties, maybe i'm just selfish.
i can't have the best of 2 worlds.
yes, i knew. and u knew too.
well done.
congrates on making me sad. haha..
what if choosing sajc was a wrong choice?
what if i should have just continue to run away?
what if i'm happy now? what if i'm not?
what if i wanna go back?
what if i haven't let go?

if so, what den..
if so.. i dunno...

what if?

2006-03-28T19:12:00.000+08:00

sneaky jonathan.. tink he's trying to steal the stick man cardboard thingy. lol..

according to Jon, he tinks the texture of the wall of the changing room is VERY nice.. he's rubbing it up down up down. haha.. i tink the colour rocks..

ok, this pic was taken when we were waiting for kelvin to try on clothes. haha.. we're looking at different directions. haha..
i have nothing to say le.. Jon is gaying with Ben and Ben is enjoying it.. :(

2006-03-28T18:49:00.000+08:00

Randall (in the PINK) shirt and Ben acting cute. haha..

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO TZE WEI " (on the extra yellow piece of paper) "TO ZELDA"

joshua and us from jurong! may not be seeing him again for a few years.. :(
tze wei: *smiles and looks at Yen Nee*
zelda: *sings*(happy birthd)ayyy (to youuuu)
if u look closely, u'd notice that ben and ruiqi are wearing white while kelvin and i were wearing black. haha.. the one in red is the adorable suyen!!

2006-03-28T18:37:00.000+08:00

the 3 birthday kids! tze wei turns 16, randall turns 19, i turn 17! haha..

sheesh.. i dunno bout u guys.. but i tink they kinda look cool. haha..
Ben and Suyen.. dun they look cute? haha..

this is the design on Randall's pink shirt everyone!

klang trip 2005!

2006-03-20T20:01:00.000+08:00

wells, i'm back! haha.. really enjoyed the trip so much..
and its my 2nd with Ben. (2004 YDP counted???)
anyways.. was a 4 day, 3 night thing. lol..
Thursday:
left home at around 0705.. didn't really have a good start.. cuz the 3 of them were, well... a bit late.. but dad was pissed off though. haha..
we boarded the train at most 2 minutes before it left..
stupid custom officer took so long to check passport.. sheesh. oh yea.. and kel, ben and i couldn't get over ruiqi's small bag.. haha.. while the 3 of us were carrying relatively large bags, she was carrying a normal backpack, which wasn't very bloated either. maybe its cuz her clothes small. haha! yupp.. the train ride was very noisy.. didn't catch much sleep.. watched scooby doo 2 too!
reached KL central at around 4. had a long delay at JB station.. haha.. den we went for lunch/tea. haha.. sizzling mushroom and chicken noodles.. haha.. wasn't really nice though.. speaking bout food.. ruiqi couldn't really eat much cuz she had cough.. no dairy products (butter, milk, cream, cheese, etc), beef, fish, chicken (a little was ok though). haha.. poor her..
took the KMT comuter to telok gadong, where yinyin picked us up. haha.. was glad to see her, and to reach her home.. was really tired.. after that, we went for a show. or something like that. haha... so nice!!! bleahx.. the guys were late cuz of some.. er.. miscommunication? haha.. was great seeing tzewei, yen nee and joel again that night. haha..

Friday:
in the midst of painting toe nails and the girl talk, yin yin and rui qi sang me my first birthday song of the year. haha.. so sweeet! the third one who wished me was en shen.. haha.. he bought me a wallet nehx.. *wipes a tear away* so touched. fell asleep at 2. woke up at 0830.. got ready and left the house for mid valley. the entire train ride was made interesting by all the , , and other lame games. hhah.. so funny to see pp dunno the tricks u know.. but not funny when u dunno and everyone else knows. haha! den we went to shop shop shop.. Joshua met us there too! lol.. didn't buy much though.. just earrings and a pair of shoes.. had nice lunch though. haha.. after that, we went back to yinyin's house to eat dinner and go for bible class. haha.. learnt a great deal from uncle steven's lesson. lol.. and applied it immediately after that while yinyin was driving. lol! we went to tze wei's house to celebrate mine and his birthday. oh yes.. i almost forgot that Randall changed into the pink polo tee that we bought him. lol!!!!!! nice lehs.. lol..
as i was saying.. we went to tze wei's house.. had oreo cheese cake (thanks joel) some singing, bridge.. and TV. haha.. su yen remembers me u know!! i'm so happy.. its been more than a year.. but she remembers me!! haha.. took a photo with her..
ben's also really close to her.. maybe cuz he stayed at her house for the 4 days. haha.. she likes him so much! kelvin too! ruiqi too! haha.. she seems to like the 4 of us. haha..
yupp.. slept at about 2..

Saturday:
woke up at around 9.30.. this time late.. cuz there was the kawaii debbie to drive us to 1 utama. haha.. yupp.. Ben and kel came over at around 10, while we were still eating breakfast. haha.. after that.. we left for 1u. slept during the journey there. haha.. think all of us cept' deb slept. haha.. (imagine if she did too) haha.. when we got there.. we started shopping str8 away. haha.. and we tried on a lot of clothes. haha.. jonathan even snapped a few pics of ben and kel! lol!!!!!!!!!
bleahx.. dun tink i'd post em though.. wait they scold me.. bleahx..!
den we went for house fellowship.. something like cottage meeting.. but its for like, pp of all ages. haha.. den was ians turn to take us out.. we went for coffee.. den wanted to play dota.. but the cyber cafe full.. haha.. so couldn't. kel had coffee too.. so that night i tink he kept everyone awake too. lol.. ruiqi spent the early mornings writing heart-felt messages to klang breathren who took care of us, while i read memoirs of a geisha. haha.. i'm so lazy...

sunday:
got ready for worship and packed our bags.. den uncle alan made pancakes for breakfast. wonder when will dad ever do such a thing. haha.. yinyin wore really nice shoes.. haha.. and i wore my new heels! haa.. wonder if anyone noticed, but ben and kel were wearing black top and jeans, while ruiqi and i wore white top and black skirts. haha.. hmmm.. worship was pretty normal.. and i enjoyed the singing. haha.. wished there was more though. haha.. after that, we collected our bags and went to eat ba ku teh. lol.. was so nice.. haha.. should make it a tradition or sorts to eat BKT whenever we go to klang. haha! den the sad part came: saying goodbye..
to everyone cept the khoo family.. wahh.. like 5-part-torture lor.. 1st goodbye to debbie at church, 2nd to yinyin, joel and ian after lunch, den to sean, den to tze wei, yennee and auntie chong foo.. and lastly to suyen and uncle kayyeow.. haix.. couldn't help but feel sad when i saw su yen looking so glum. dunno whether it was because she was tired or sad.. seemed like sad.. i've never seen her cling on to anyone carrying her until that day.. and u know, it seems like she was hugging whoever was carrying her.. we took turns to carry/hug her.. and she didn't say anything at all.. finally, uncle kayyeow decided that they left us (the bus was damn late btw. argh!) and he took suyen in his arms. she burried her face but looked up only after they've walked a certain distance away.. we watched as they distanced, heavy hearted and gaze unbroken. i felt my tears glazing my eyes and tried to take my eyes off where i last saw them, before a chain of vehicles cut blocked my view.. i turned, only to see benjamin's face. at that moment, i burst out laughing. haha.. dunno why too.. like so anti climax right.. haha! anyways.. it'll be about a year or so till i can see her again, God willing..
on a lighter note, the bus came within 5 minutes after they left. the seats were quite comfy.. compared to the train.. but the driver smokes. T.T the smell was horrible.. yupp.. we played a few rounds of bridge.. slept a little.. talked.. stonned.. haha.. ben even said something that he has nv said to me before.. so sweet of him.. haha.. not gonna tell u guys what though.. muahaha.. lol! in the end, reached s'pore at about 9.30(?) yea.. was exhausted by then.. haha.. reached home slightly before 10. haha..

from this trip i've got to know much more bout my 3 companions, spent some time with the lovable klang brethren, learn more bout God, understand the meaning of hospitality, taste homemade pancakes, celebrate my birthday in another country, laughed a lot, shopped a lot, feel loved and loose more sleep. haha.. wells, in short, i couldn't enjoy the trip more.. we were really well taken care of and yea.. wells, i had extra TLC too! really thank God for our safety there.. and thanks to those who prayed for us too.. pictures in later posts k.. stay tuned!

low self esteem

2006-03-16T00:34:00.000+08:00

love the march holidays!!!!!!! but
it's been a busy week for me.. so far. haha..
and more to come! hehe
wells.. went out with zilin, vic, meda, canida, kelvin, jia meng..
such a fun bunch.. hehe!
too bad audrey is stuck in OBS.. somewhere on the outskirts of s'pore.
HA
wells.. seems like dear has been rather tired these few days..
but at least he gets to go home every nite now. haha!
so many events.. so much time spent..
wonder if any of us thought about God..
was just watching the clouds floating by the moon.. beautiful i tell u..
wanted to sms the person i always did when i saw the moon..
but guess the reply would be 1 word.. "yupp"
haha.. rather not spoil the mood. haha.. so i just said a little prayer..
for the moon, and for him too.

anyways.. samo and i went to thy gym today.. think my muscles are gonna ache like hell tmr..
T.T den we went to sakae shushi for lunch..
met shuli, yumei and sha there.. yupp.. so long nv eat together le.. still remember the times after SJ on sat when we go to the nearest coffee shop and order chicken rice. haix.. those days will nv come back.. saddening isn't it.. but oh wells, think a chinese saying goes: old one dun go, new one dun come.. i ate chicken katsu, AGAIn.. haha.. and while getting a pair of chopsticks for samo. i touched something hot, den my reflex action caused half of the table to be wet.. bleahs.. sheesh.. that was so embarrassing... :(

oh yes.. mom tried to do a miracle-5-min-speech that was supposed to boost my self confidence.
umm... let me put it this way.. miracles dun happen these days.. yea..
frankly.. i also dunno why i have low self esteem. haha..
dun feel like "snapping out" of it either.. in fact.. i dun see how its possible to believe i can accomplish anything.. its all up to God.. i'm just the steward.. like, how can i be proud of anything since i dun own anything.. talents, looks, success.. nothing..
damn. i dun tink anyone understands.. but if u do let me know pls..
one thing's sure though.. i'll never be good enuff..

alrighty.. time check: 0106
my train will be leaving bout 7 hours and 24 min from now..
haha.. i'm leaving for klang.. dun miss me guys.. lol..
and yes,
it'll be the first time i'm gonna be celebrating my b'dae overseas.. haha
oh wells.. there'll always be a first,
somehow.
someday.
somewhere.
nuff' said.

best wishes to those going for comp this sat. sorry can't be there in person.. i know y'all will do swiss proud.. God bless..

medalene..

2006-03-15T23:39:00.000+08:00

the following post was typed at 140306, 2314..
before an unfortunate internet disconnection that prevented the following to be
posted on the same day..

happy birthday medalene!
my beloved gan mei is celebrating her 16th year on planet earth. haha
(i'm sure u haven't stepped out of it yet. HA)
yupp... can't help but remember the old times. haha..
us sitting on the top of the flight of stairs in my old house, u holding a doll in pink dress while mine was red. haha.. so cute lor..
and trips to malaysia.. CNY lunches and dinners..
u unzipping the pants of the ______, revealing the macdonels underwear inside.. LOL~
the day u were baptised.. we stood at the pool side singing your fave hymn to calm your nerves? haha..
the "after school" screening at SP where we saw BCK? haha..
shopping trips.. esp recent ones.. the shoe saga..
thailand trip.. meal times together.. the pile of tissues u used and put beside the plate..
singing with my sister "wu ding" and " the reason" lol..
all the singing after, during and before services.. during YDP, on the MRT, practically everywhere.. remember the itsy bitsy spider parts? haha..
being part of the RE-FRESH-MENT committee in YES. haha..
preparing kelvin's birthday cake with me during one of the YES sessions..
now u're 16 and have a lot of challenges lying ahead of u.. esp the upcoming o's. but given your brains, i tink it'll be a piece of cake for u. haha.. u can do it de!
any problems, can look for me.. i try to help u k? haha..
may u continue to grow spiritually too.. God bless..

2006-03-06T16:20:00.000+08:00

i'll never be good enough

sorry..

sigh..

2006-03-06T14:46:00.000+08:00

i've been posted back to SAJC!!!
haha... yayee.. wore the uniform for the first time on thurs..
so nice nehx.. whoever wear the uniform will surely look nice..
cuz we have one of the nicest uniforms in the entire country! hehe..
yupp.. actually nothing much really happened last week.. but i guess this week will be
much busier ba.. haha..
yesterday was full of ups and downs..
so many reasons to be sad about.. and so many to be happy..
melvin once told me once that since we have such little time on earth, we might as well use the time to be happy..
but i find it so hard to do.. maybe i'm wierd? or i just don't know how to relax,
kick back and enj0y life as it should be.. hmmmm..
wells.. i've prayed about it for a very long time le..
and den God answered my prayers with a blessing.. haha..
well, anyway.. He has a plan for me.. and i know He'll be with me all the way..
oh yea.. and to HER, who seems to be treating us so coldly all of a sudden:
i dunno what if u're just annoyed with 1 person or all of us.. but if i offended u in anyway.. pls let me know, and i'm sorry if i did. don't wanna lose a close sister like u. yah, u have other friends too.. but u dun go around making pp feel as if we're clothes that are thrown away once they're out of fashion. whatever the case.. we're still here if u ever need us. yupps.. God bless..

2006-02-24T22:26:00.000+08:00

tell u guys something!
this is the fist time this year i complete a week of school!
*cheers*
whee.. haha.. the thought just jot me out of my sad sad mood today.. hehe..
here's why..
1) very tired.. reached home at around 8- today's CCA day.
2) actually i was DO today lo.. (not that its a big deal), BUT haiya.. the way some people say things not very nice.. bleahx.. maybe it didn't occur to him that it'll affect me.. but, oh wells. =)
3) **** problem...
O.o i forgot the rest. guess that's a good thing too eh?
saw the scars of a SJ junior who slashed her arm with penknife. for one, its ugly..
for two, I CAN'T BELIEVE I'VE ACTUALLY DONE THAT BEFORE. WHAT WAS I THINKING!
*ahem*
yupp.. to those out there who are still mercilessly scaring themselves, pls- do not be stupid.

right.. i've just finished my pt proposal not too long ago.. guess its pretty badly done.. (cuz i also dunno what to write) bleahx.. hope i won't get scolded or something. meeting is tmr!!! must go down to HQ at like, 2? i tink.. haha..

i once concluded that broken relations (close ones, that is) cannot be repaired/ restored to its original form. (if i remember correctly that is) so, i would like to say this: it can't. go figure

the funny thing though, is that i keep thinking bout it but dun dare to do anything bout it.. its hard. and i'm a coward. but i won't apologise for this though.. its not entirely my fault this time. don't just think u're giving everything and i'm the one receiving EVEERYHITNG, and not contributing at all. just because some small matter doesn't go your way, dun go around saying u're giving everything and i'm receiving EVEERYTHING and not contributing at all. Ok, tell you what. since its human nature to sensationalise and downplay, i fogrive u. and ya, one last thing. when u throw a rock into the ocean, it doesn't always hit a fish thought there are probably millions under the sea, assuming they can't sense the rock coming.

boo. guess who

go to sleep....

2006-02-18T23:42:00.000+08:00

silent at first-
besides the murmur of the fan, and the frogs croaking outside, the entire room was silent.
not wanting to break the silence, she tip toed into the room..
watching someone sleeping has nv been so,
hmmm.. she wasn't sure how to describe it either.
she walked to the bedside to observe more closely.
he looked so sweet.. so relaxed, maybe even smiling,
almost picturing him in a wide field with blue skies and fluffy white clouds.
she laughed to herself.
then
slowly, slowly, his breathing became audible..
like how any other would sound.. (duh.......)
den louder..
somehow, in each breath, sounds of contentment and peace can be heard, relaxed.
smiling, she bent over and kissed him on the forehead.
he didn't even stir..
grinning even wider and feeling like an idiot, she left the room.
taking one last glance as she paused at the door,
she realised how fairytale like the entire scene was.
she muttered a word of thanks to God,
and carried on with her business..

snore! zzzzzz...

vale...

2006-02-16T18:11:00.000+08:00

heex! these are SOME of the pictures of my valentines day presents.. SOME. haha.. wells.. this year's valentines day was the best i had so far.. whee....
morning was spent with my beloved SAMO!! haha.. we went to town for some shopping.. she helped me choose shoes.. which are very nice by the way.. haha.. den we shopped shopped shopped from 12 plus to about 2.. den crisis strucked. bleahs.. dun sae out ok? ( samo know, i know, shopkeeper know, enuff le) haha.. shhh.. bleahx..
after thatwe went down to bukit batok.. since still had like say, half an hour(?).. so we went to samo's to put down the stuff. well, more like, my stuff. lol.. she's so nice! haha.
after that, she taught me how to fold straw hearts. hehe.. after that, we went to wm swensens to look for our other halfs. haha.. we had fries, mushrooms and icecream! haha.. so fun.. den we took quite a few pics too.. and the candle is still with me!
yupp.. after that, i went down to raffles place to meet ben. lol.. yupp.. and then i received my first bouquet of flowers! whee.. bleahx.. can imagine how stunned i was when i saw him holding the bouquet.. anyways.. we walked to the coffee club for dinner.. wasn't as crowded as i thought it would be. haha.. dinner was nice.. and i had milkshake for desert while he had mud pie! lol.. sadly, had to leave for home str8 after that cuz he had to book in at 2230. lol.. managed to hail a cab from the main road, and the uncle kept asking if we wanted to go by AYE, clementi ave 6, "bukit batok way".. blah. haha.. the moon was super beautiful that night.. think i have a pic of it.. (see top)

Thank God for u..
thank God so much for u..

justus

2006-02-16T17:17:00.000+08:00

say hi to Justus everyone! he is by far the cutest baby in JCOC! haha.. in my humble opinion, that is. haha.. this was taken during last year's open house.. wahh.. so long time ago le..

2006-02-16T17:14:00.000+08:00

this is the view from my seat in the aeroplane from thailand nice right?

2006-02-12T19:39:00.000+08:00

hmmm..
congrates to all who got what they wanted for o's.. most of my frens were happy.. and i'm especially happy for the 6 bitches.. we all did pretty well!
"SJAB members did well this year" quoted from swiss' beloved principle, ms tay.
lol! that was the best part of friday, can? hehe!
dunno what was wrong with me on that day.. even before ms tay started showing us the slidestabulating our cohord's results, i was tearing le.. haha..
den leqi, who was beside me looked so shock.haha! think i kinda scared her and at the same time, made her even more nervous as well.
bleahx.. sorry..yupp.. i got 10 for L1R5. kinda screwed up the 3 sciences.. all got 2.. :( but wells, the only B i had was for chinese.. bleahx.. not boasting.. but yupp. that was what i got. *grins*
anyways, i tink i'd be staying in SA. my "best friend" wants me back there too anyway.. haha..and there already have so many friends! great people i would say.. yupp.. actually the entire collection of the results were less emotional than i thought it would be..
hehe.. but nonetheless, pp cried buckets of tears.. and i kinda felt lost after walking out of school(more like running. it was raining! *looks up* oh!! the heaven cries for us!)
anyways, swiss will always be home. (no matter 1st, 2nd or 3rd...)
for those Pri 6 students reading this, CHOOSE SWISS!!!!
haha..lastly, i tink the teachers deserve most of the credit. without them, i dun tink we could have done so well.. nearly cried when i passed my (ex) teachers their gifts.. will never forget what they did, nor how they encouraged us throughout 2005..
[mr Lim, mrs Koh, Mrs Yu, Mr kamal, Mr ngoh, tsao lao shi]
besides the teachers, i wanna thank those who didn't give up on me too.esp: dah dee, mah mee, my bro and sis, gu jie, Benjamin *muackz!*.. study buddy;Leqi!, samo, shuli, meda, sung hun,xuan and davin.. and all who gave me advices, one way or another. thanks loads guys! God bless!

as for celebration, we (samo, shuli, wee wee and i) went to sake sushi after parade on friday.. haha.. had chicken katsu don. again.that was the third consecutive time i had that for dinner. haha.. its so nice!!!!! haha.. den i tink i drank 5 (or more) cups of green tea. haha.. poor samo had to help me refill so many times!bleahx.. i was labled 'water bucket' after that. yupp.. den asked benjamin to meet me at the top level. haha.. shuli kept laughing at his "haw haw haw.." laughter. but that makes him so much cuter. haha! anyways, we left westmall for j8 a while later. went there for coffee and to get some stuff.. haha.. den on the way back, i fell asleep . lol! bleahx.. he said my head was falling off his shoulder already. haha.. reached home at around 11.. fell asleep once i hit the bed.

i somehow just love satudays! haha..
however, i woke up receiving an sms frm a fren who got drunk. THAT issue again.. hais.. but at least he won't do that again le (frm what he told me)
oh wells, was on the way to Sj HQ when ben msged me.. so i called him back and realised thatwe were on the same train. lol! --meeting was pretty boring.. most of us were like so happy when it was over. HA! bought badges after that.. good thing we caught the supplies lady just before she left, and GOOD thing she was KIND enough to sell the badges to us. haha.. samo, shuli and i walked to bugis after that. haha..we took neos and had yoshinoya for lunch.. yum! the pics veh cute nehx.. den we kept luffing and luffing. haha
after that, ben came and meet me.. haha.. took neo prints too! haha.. finally!
went to watch i not stupid too again.. didn't cry lehx.. haha..
shopped a bit more after the movie, then headed home.. where my crazy sister was dancing, OUTSIDE MY ROOM. haha.. so cute

today is sunday! lol.. just came back from victoria's house!
one thing i'd like to say, i like going there cuz her family makes me feel so welcomed! hehe.. moreover, her house is so beautiful! so glad they invited me.. =)
we had laksa for lunch too.. haha.. yummy! actually wanted to sabo kelvin to eat all the bean sprouts by telling him that we cut the chu mee ffen into very small pieces. lol!
but that was so mean la. haha.. my bad.
anyways, we had bridge league again. haha.. think we played from 2 plus to 5. lol! so fun..but i dunno why i kept giggling too.. lol.. sundays = great days = the Lord's days. HA.

dun drink. just drive.

yikes..

2006-02-09T20:22:00.000+08:00

results are out tmr! nervous?
maybe.. but i'm feeling so crappy now.
THANKS MANN.. u know who u are.
anyway.. i'm sorry for being so petty and stuff. i believe u. but it's still very frustrating when soeone seems to be lying to u.

talking bout him.. i'm starting to wonder why i'm in SAJC now..
maybe jonathan was right.. i'm here for a reason?
i dunno..
i know nothing now.. (except.. 06s19 rocks!!!)
so confused.. but at least i have my Lord to turn to..
which makes me think of those who dun.. hmmm....
they sholud be worse of than me?
i dunno. (argh.. i'm starting to get angry again!!!!)
somebody pls slap me!!! make me wake up or something.. i dunno where i should go..
on one hand.. i kinda dun wanna go back to SAJC cuz i wanna spend more time with my family.. although aunt and Leon have treated me very very well.. and the room that i sleep in now is much biger than my own, nothing can beat your own bed and home right? afterall, home is where the heart is.. morover.. HE wants to go there.. can't imagine if we end up in the same class.. O.O

today leqi said that her og frens were discussing bout blogging..
aiya.. i tink that blogging is just a way of expressing. you know how little singaporeans are trained to talk (besides complaining, that is) i tink many people dun dare to speak up.. bout what they feel, what they think, emotions(???), blah.. thats why thy come online to relieve themselves! (sounds like some kinda toliet bowl, ain't it?) haha.. something like that.. i not stupid too can testify! lol.. in that sense, blogging is GOODA! so bloggers should go think why they actually started a blog. ha.

::::*slaps myself* you better stop being angry now ar!! [*pouts] yuck.

bleahs

2006-02-04T14:26:00.000+08:00

dun get me wrong! i'm, no shakespeare..
but i'm in luv.. lol.. liek the skin
sorry for not being able to blog.. 2 reasons.
1, home internet down.
2, i've been staying at leon's house for the past few days. (his house nearer to sa)
yupp.. sad hor? haha.. they're really nice to me though. :)

wells, been doing some thinking for some time le..
mainly because i went back to swiss to help out at SJ.
one thing i've realised, sometimes juniors seem to disregard the fact that their seniors and officers are human beings and have feelings too..
maybe its a trend.. haha.. i used to think they were supermen/women. haha..
wells, i guess its getting back at me. go figure.
that was during meeting on wednesday la..

yesterday, on my way back to swiss, i managed to persuade "my best friend" cum OGL, JOEL LUO to buy me a valentines day present. so OG11 pp who are reading this, go ahead and ask him for 1 too!! heex.. and make sure u keep reminding him..! was listening to ge qian too. reminded me of someone.. den i msg him lo... haiyo. he hasn't changed much.. still keep looking down on himself. can't say he has low self esteem.. cuz i dun tink so.. but nevertheless, it was great hearing from him again.. -- i spent the rest of the boring bus ride recalling memories of 2004. more thinking...

den it came to yesterday's parade, was something more heartwarming. haha..
its nice to see your (ex) squad taking over the running of the corp.. and teaching the newly recruited sec 1s. haha.. so cute.. *cries* which makes me wonder again.. is it because i didn't put in much effort to be close to my squad or am i just unlikable? hmmm... (and some more)

haha.. was on the verge of crying yesterday.. almost did.. good thing i didn't.. if not samo and mr wong would have seen me wailing like a baby. haha!

anyways, i did enjoy myself yesterday at swiss.. managed to talk to eric too.. (yes, the cute one) haha.. ok, maybe not really talking.. he was suaning me all the way from bb station to popular, to the cashier, until the lift lobby. :( but nvm la.. he's a pretty nice guy, (beyond the suaning) lol!

at least i had company for the first 15 min of my hour long wait. haha.. borrowed a book too.. haha.. its called <10 things to do before i die> yupp.. i know one of which would be praying for forgivenesss.. haa.. yupp.. change the subject!! this is so depressing..

yesterday da jie on 985 kept raking up my past habits. i dunno what to say to them, but they weren't exactly my glorious past. and i've been trying very hard not to think about them so i won't do them again. not that i'm pissed, but its just frustrating when one won't let you let go of the past and carry on with NEW habits. can? like, just let me go. dun have to keep reminding me, as well as tell the whole world that i use to have that problem. i'm not trying to commit suicide anymore ok?? i'm not like the person u knew in 2004. that's past, history, burried soemwhere. just stop digging it up anymore.

not much of a lighter note, but well, on a lighter note, i've realised that once spoiled friedships (due to *honesty) can't be repaired anymore. yupp.. numerous examples can prove that easily. i've tried, tested, and none worked. ive done my part.. doing no more.

what's done is done, u just leave it alone, and dun regret it

2006-01-14T17:57:00.000+08:00

something very sickening just happened last sunday.. [yes, that sunday.. spoil mood only lor.. :(] v called for a meeting. ok.. he did announce that YES'05 and YF'06 were to meet after worship. really didn't want to. and moreover k told us that he would be meeting us that sunday, and that v gave him a month to settle things with us befor having that big meeting. ok fine.. one thing good, me and ben could escape for awhile but eugene was not spared. (i'm not sure if that is how others will put it, but everything here is in my perception.. if it pisses u off, pls do not go on reading.) well.. when i got up there.. the first sentence that v said really made me angry.. he said that he heard from 3, not 1 person showing their concern about the 2 existing groups amongst the youths. pls lor..
1. i know 3 is more than 1. but what if the 3 are the ultra sensative type? those that like to make mountains out of molehills, (like what u're doing now)
2. the announcement in the morning has already made it super clear to everyone that there are already 2 seperate groups, thank you very much.

den after that A continued saying that the devil was trying to break us up, this that, this that. hmmm. words of wisdom? go figure.
i really think it isn't fair to k. noone set up another group for competition or whatever evil purposes u can come up with. its totally different purpose from YF.
dun doubt our purposes.. look it as another leadership opportunity k?
wells, i can't sae much lehx.. or i'll be stepping on people's toes and worsen the already maning relationships. my comments are limited here.. chao people.. oh yes, and 1 more thing. guys, pls KEEP YOUR WORD.

as a favour

2006-01-14T16:21:00.000+08:00

as a favor to everyone (and especially myself)
i'm gonna update! (cheers!!)
right.. i guess its a bit too late to wish everyone happy new year and all the more so, merry christmas right.. argh.. sorry everyone! T.T
well, merrYchristmaS anD a happY neW yeaR anywaY!!!

haha.. today's my dearest sister's birthday..
wahh.. how time flies.. she's 15 already..
still can remember the times we were pulling each other's hair.. whacking the daylights out of each other with pillows, fighting over power ranger toys, taking the school bus together.. sharing 1 packet of twisties (cheese flavoured), bathing together (that was a long time ago ok!) being sick together, comparing our weight, going cycling together, laughing at the same stupid comedy together, singing off key late in the night, getting high on coca cola, bickering who gets the better share of the room (she always does btw) even the time she asked me if she should be baptised.. heex.. fond memories.. yupp.. and there were the times when she was there for me.. making ribena for me when i was sick.. making cards wishing me "jia you" for prelims and o's. wahh!!! who could ask for a better sister??!!! though i always joke saying that i'll gladly give her away for free, i never mean it ok. (great.. now i'm a big liar!) oh wells, big bros and sis's out there.. if u have a kid bro or sis dun just look at them as irritating or annoying.. they can be much better thatn that.. trust me, i've been there!

anyway audrey, happy birthday! though i may not have always been a great (not even good) sister, u were always there for me.. God bless u in whatever u do! *muacks*

post- exam blues

2005-10-15T00:59:00.000+08:00

i think the after-exam-syndrome has gotten into many of us.
falling sick
losing 'steam'in studying
thinking too much
depression or hysteria
think i suffer from all 4.
wahahhahaa..
(*breathes in, out*)
missed 2 days of school.. (tue and wed)
due to something like fever, and something like stomach flu
came back to school onthursday.. 3 people absent..
2 due to conjunctivites and the other.. dunno?
yesterday was worse.. 5 pp not in school..
3 due to conjunc. (courtesy of WYX) 1 of unknown cause and 1 more left halfway..
oh no..
think soon the whole class will be red eyed.. great.

studying has become very hard for me. i dunno why.. but i just can't find 'strength' to go on.
really.. or rather, dunno where to start.. its really very frustrating..
see the whole pile of testpapers to attempt.. immediately shut off..
next tuesday is bio practical!!!!!!!!!!! its so scary!!!!!!!!!
what if they give us an earthworm each? frog i still dun mind.. give hamster den minjun sure fail de.. she won't bare to disect it. wahahahaha..

maybe not just me ba.. haix.. my topic of thinking today was "the past" which really made me very very sad..
but what's the point.. noone will care de la..
dum dee dum deeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee..
maybe what i did was wrong..
yikes.

hysteria.. laughing at practically everything.. something not funny can seem so funny that i really ROFL. sheesh.. in school, i'm still ok.. just tat it got irritating.. haha.. pika piakchu!!!!
oh yea.. have u guys noticed how cute pikachu is? its/he's/she's really very cute! the way it thunderbolts the other poor guy. the way it gobbles food. or even better, the way it looks when it is shock by some kind of news. haha... ROFL. what am i doing???????!!!!!!!!!

ya la ya la.. i won't ever be as good as u.
not even close.
yupp.. u have all the things i wanted. (actually i already dun want them XP)
looked up to u? nahx.. sadly.
do u really think that spreading rumours to make pp hate me actually make u more popular?
puh-leeeese. reflect, my girl. reflect.

repent! and thou shalt be saved.....

we admire heros not just for their bravery,
nor for their goodness, or strength.
neither is it for their good works and honesty..
but because every one time or another, we all need
to be rescued

expressing..

2005-10-09T22:39:00.000+08:00

i don't know about u guys.. but i think i have a problem expressing myself.
hmmm.. my pri school teacher once commented that i could in poems..
i guess times have changed? i don't know.
maybe i'm still looking for zelda.
right.. probably its partially because i don't read a lot.
u know, with the cheem vocabulary and all.. (used correctly that is)
yupp.. u guys may not know, but i really do admire people who have really nice entries to read. victoria for example. canida another.. even ian..!
bleahx...
i don't know.. maybe that's why my entries are a lil.. maybe not a lil.. yea..
argh.. i'm not good with words!
conveying my ideas are another problem..
bleahx..
maybe that's why i don't do well in exposition writing..

maybe..
or maybe there's more..
haha.. it just occured to me that maybe i'm meant to be silent?
i dunno.. maybe that's why God gave me the locked jaw or whatever hell the problem that is.

on the other hand, will pouring everything out help?
it does, at times.. but i really dun wanna trouble anyone with my own problems..
its not that i dun trust them or think they can't help.
really.. i really appreciate those who offer a listening ear..
sorry if u guys out there (if u're reading) feel offended..
really sorry..

haix.. i just.. i dunno.. whatever..

hopscotch!

2005-09-30T22:57:00.000+08:00

prelims over and results back in the same week..
sigh.. really very hmm.. how should i put it..
traumatic..
argh... really dun like my results..
they are not good la!
they can't get me anywhere.. good....
i dunno la.. pray about it and see what God would have me do.
argh..
feeling kinda lost now..
like nemo..
bleahx.. no no.. its *bloop*

2005-09-25T16:40:00.000+08:00

she laid in his arms, head against his chest.
she hears his steady heartbeat and soft breathing.
she sighs.. wishing that time would just stand still.
but then...... a thought struck her mind.
yet again,
she pulls back, and stares deep into his eyes..
looking for some answer to an unasked question.
they don't answer her.
only because they were on something else.
she knew, he knew. she knew that he knew.
no words were spoken..
but yet she found that answer...
that magical moment..
it happened.
that....

i love u..

2005-09-25T16:07:00.000+08:00

the 5 of 6 bitches' feet. guess which is mine?

mr wong.. er....................

me and samo.

taken during PN' 05 in westwood sec's hall..

2005-09-25T15:25:00.001+08:00

10 Favorites...
Favorite Color: black and purple
Favorite Food: oreo (cheese cake)
Favorite Band/Singer: jay chou. (typical teenager, but he's really good!!!)
Favorite Song: yi lai, an jing, sometimes love just ain't enough (and to think i dun really listen to chinese songs! lol)
Favorite Movie: doll master. really sad plot.
Favorite Sport: uh.. is running a sport?
Favorite Season: autumn and spring
Favorite Day Of the Week: sundays and wednesdays! (singing at church! gospel fm! lol..)
Favorite Ice Cream Flavor: cookies and creme'
Favorite Time of Day: 4am..

Currents...
Current Mood: elated!
Current Taste: my own saliva. lol!
Current Clothes: sec school camp t-shirt and greeen shorts! lol
Current Desktop Picture: my sis and i. taken during family camp '05
Current Toenail Color: Colourless cep' for left big toe.. black.
Current Time:1508
Current Surroundings: uh.. window on the left, fan on the right, tv behind.
Annoyance: haix..
Current Thoughts: am i really worth it? i dun tink so.

8 Firsts...
First Best Friends: Ester Lee Li Hui (pri3) ! dunno where she is now though..
First movie: power rangers the movie! (with bro, sis and mom)
First Screen Name: stopBreathing
First Pet: uh.. think it was a fighting fish.. didn't have a name.
First Piercing: pri 2. both ears.
First Crush: macaulay culkin from home alone!
First Music You Remember Hearing: was my mom's singing. (my God and i)
First Car: i'm only 16!! i dun even know how to drive!

7 Lasts...
Last Cigarette: hate smoking. dun smoke people!
Last Drink: Water? or was it watermelon juice?
Last Car Ride: bout half an hour ago. from church.
Last food you ate: lunch.. rice?
Last Movie Seen: cinderella man. quite disappointing. nevertheless, i cried. bleahx
Last Phone Call: to grandpa*
Last CD Played: wahh.. er.. jay chou- qi li xiang

6 Have You Evers....
Have You Ever Dated One Of Your Best Friends: nah.. best friends are all girls
Have You Ever Broken the Law: jay walking?
Have You Ever Been Arrested: no!
Have You Ever Skinny Dipped: no
Have You Ever Been on TV: yupP
Have You Ever Kissed Someone You Didn't Know: no
Have you ever met anyone from deviantART: i don't think so..

5 Things....
You're Wearing: hmmm.. t-shirt, shorts, undies!(2, pls.) contact lens
Done Today: made thankU cards, worship God, witness a baptism, took a pic of my purple curtains, cried
You Can Hear Right Now: yi lai!, keyboard typing, my dad sneezing, the fan, mom crushing plastic bags.
You Can't Live Without: God, water, oxygen, family and friends
You Do When You're Bored: stone, talk to myself, think..... study, or draw!

4 Places You've Been...
1. Australia
2. Korea
3. M'sia
4. St John island

3 People You Can Tell Anything To...
1. God. wait, he isn't a person right?
2.
3.

2 Choices...
1. Black or White: black!
2. Hot or Cold: cold

1 Thing You Want to Do Before you die.
make at least someone happy..

prelims!

2005-09-17T01:15:00.000+08:00

mann.. i think i'll have to go look for a job or something.
dun tinki'll make it for first 3 month's jc.
bleahs..
each paper is getting harder than the last.. yea..
die lo!
argh..
dunno why, i've been thinking so much lately.
esp when i can see the moon from my bed.
yupp..
besides exams, i guess nothing much else happened..
except.. the.. aiya.. dun wanna talk bout it..
i'll find someway to correct my.. uh.. habits?
sry sry..

whee.. Sis Dorcas' birthday coming soon le. haha
whether she sees this or not, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!
hehe.. really look up to her.
she's like a mother to everyone. yupp.. haha.. God bless u loads!
thanks for everything u've done for me!

and to my beloved brother..
happy 22nd birthday!
1 year older le. hehe! must be man liao.. haha.. thanks so much for always looking out for me. and being such a good brother! really thank God for u.. take care wor!

hmm.. haha.. today's practical was very fun. lol..
the most fun prac i've ever did..
we were instructed to burn peanuts! haha..
supposed to poke the needle into one of the halves..
first 2 i tried broke into 2.
den dunno whay other people's results really different from mine..
water temp difference i got 34.. that is alot lo..
bleahx.. i'm dead, yet again..

tired now, but dun wanna sleep.. head is hurting, but dun wanna do anything bout it. very confused, no time to entertain untangle thoughts. crying, but letting the rain mingle with my tears..

2005-09-11T20:41:00.000+08:00

feeling empty again. sigh..
somehow i dunno if i really want this fairytale to end happy.
i still can't believe u.
i know u think i'm wierd, or at least u're starting to think i'm wierd.
but u know, i really am.
listening to u talk about how your other female friends out there are like, i really wonder if i'm a girl..
yes, and i'm strangely particular about trivial stuff and somehow neglect the important ones right? i know i know.. i'm wierd..
dunno why u said what u did 2 weeks ago,
i dun doubt.. but i can't believe it.
sheesh.. i'm not making sense, am i.
sigh..

just a moment of silence in the arms of the one u love, no words need to be uttered.. just that moment of silent bliss..

2005-09-11T20:22:00.000+08:00

hey all taking exams soon, or now. hehe.. Good luck and all the best!
make sure u guys prepare well ya? and have enough water, and sleep!
take care!

2005-09-10T23:24:00.000+08:00

my hp screen is blue-ing out..
sometimes even have stange lines appearing.. freaky lehx..
so, my apologies to everyone i didn't reply..
yupP
really glad for -- and __. finally worked things out le ya?
good that u 2 understand each other betteR le..
cool. great ending!

talked to cheng jie yesterday.. or rather, early in the morning..
to be honest, he surprised me.
i didn't know guys actually thought that much. hmmm..
den we kinda exchanged advices? or was it one way.. hmmm!
haha.. stayed up till late.. no idea what my problem was..
may be in a bad mood tmr so look our people!

was at the library studying today.. after that met up with grandpa for dinner.
den i started thinking again, while walking back. -what colour is the sky?
its definately not black. yet again. is it really that important?
i dun understand why i always let these unimportant things bother me so much.
and yet.. more important things are not my priorities..
yea yea.. i know. u're probably thinking what a wierd person i am.
i am lah. ok?!

so what colour is the sky?

2005-09-10T01:26:00.000+08:00

ahem* ladies and gentlemen. what's up next is a conversation between zelda and herself. if u dun understand anything, its perfectly normal. if u wish to waste the next 3 minutes of your precious life, pls read on.

will i become like her?
well, we have the same blogskin..
hmmm....
i dun wan.
scared le... last time pp sae we look alike..
i didn't think so.
she probably thought it as an insult anyway.
what have we become!!!!!??!!
i dun wanna be like her.
i dun wanna be like her too.
u tink i can psycho myself not to be like her?
hmmm. hey! its possible!
really? how?
easy. just tell youself she's not good lo. not as if she has this great influence over u.
well.. true.. but....
no buts. she doesn't talk to u either!
yea, but...
i've told u, no buts!
.......

CRAP..

its just me!

2005-09-10T00:09:00.000+08:00

i'm losing my memory..
call me goldfish. (goldfishes have 3 second memory)
i even forgot how to spell my name!
Jorge can testify.. he laughed till his father thought he was nuts.

Justin sent me a song he sang. nice!! its called "yi lai" (chinese song)
he's very modest bout his talents though.. (its really nice!! i'm not kidding!)
discover, people! and ya, dun ever sae u dun have talents.. God gave everyone somthing ok?
maybe just different degrees or different kinds? hmmm..
i dunno what He gave me, but i'm just glad He made me.. bleahx..

i realised i've changed since last saturday's talk with grandpa..
i've learnt to place my problems at God's feet and not depend on me, myself, and i.
i've also somehow learnt to appreciate people more.
forgive me if i have mistreated any of u peeps reading this k... i'm sorry.. really am!
just call me up and scold me or something, if it makes u feel better k?
Min jun asked me this morning what i would do if i found out that i only had 24 hours to live.
well, i freaked out at first.. tot what happen to her. dun worry, she's fine! :D
but the question really kept repeating in my head.
i'm really at a lost too, to be honest..
wondering... hmmmmmm.. i'll make sure all my sins are forgiven first..
den i'll go confront that guy who lied to me!!! u're very bad u know.. u forgot your promise, u forgot what u told me.. its ok.. dun do that in future!!!!!
and i'll tell everyone i love that i love them! wahahaha..
............................................
i dun think i'll tell anyone that i'm going to die though..
actually, if the doc tells me i'm gonna die, i'll do everything i possibly can to prove him wrong.
i noe i noe.. wrong motive. but ya la, that's me. haix..
my lover also sae that's a wrong motive.. heex.. oh no? yes..

argh.. studies lagging.. dunno how i'll survive if i still have this wrong motive.. hicks..

is it strange to be thinking of what it would be like to retire at 16??
or to be thinking of whether people will cry at your funeral?? at 16?????
check this out. losing your memory at 16!!!!
and i thought 16 was sweet.. sweet!

hallelujah..

fireflies believe in fate! ....
i don't..

soon after christmas -Stina Nordenstam

2005-09-09T23:25:00.000+08:00

I've called you now a thousand times
I think I know now
You're not home
I've said your name a thousand times
To be prepared if you'd be there

I wanted so to have you
And I wanted you to know
I wanted to write songs
About how we're walking in the snow

You've got me slightly disappointed
Just a bit and just enough
To keep me up another night
Waiting for another day

The city's taking a day off
The streets are empty
No one's out tonight
My life is in another's hands

I wanted so to have you
And I wanted you to know
I wanted to write songs
About how we're walking in the snow

But there's no snow this winter
there's no words for what I feel for you
It's not enough
Though it's too much
Why must it always be like that?

The TV screen is lighting up my room
The film has ended
Every inch of my skin is crying for your hands

And I wanted so...

You've got me slightly disappointed
Just a bit and just enough
To keep me up another night
Waiting for another day

3 topics today..

2005-09-04T19:12:00.000+08:00

ok now.. three topics for discussion.

first.. can anyone tell me what are the chances for YouR own fairytale coming to a happy ending? or like, how many of u guys actually had a fairygod-mother-like-being blessing u all of a sudden? tell u guys, i think my fairytale just had a twist: for the good!
i never believed that this kind of happy thing will happen to me-this insignificant speck.
but i guess everything comes with a price. God gave me something. he also took away. that's fair mann.. which is good. i can't have both anyway.. sad though, that he doesn't trust me anymore.. nvm. u dun wanna trust me, FINE! i dun wanna care bout u either.

second. ironic isn't it, when people sae that we sec 4s only have less than 3 months in school together, and they spend half the time quarreling with each other and getting angry at the slightest thing. can't we all just be friends? its just 3 months!!! what's so wrong with being nice to pp who are going to be separated to different parts of the island in no time? afterall, having friends is better than having enemies. dun sae its becuz of stress.. cuz not only u are having stress. everyone is going throught the same thing. so share problems! dun take it out on us. we didn't do anything offensive. pls ok? try try try to stay happy! everytime pull a long face also not a solution. smile more!! the world ain't that bad a place to be in!

third.. do we really understand why we are doing stuff. like, why can't we rebel our parents? just because its not right? do we really understand the reasons why we don't do it, or are we just doing what we're told? or like, why dun we fart loudly in public? or perhaps pick our noses? why not go around stepping on other people's toes. hmm..? there's a reason for every happening ba.
just.. leave it to God.. sometimes i wish i trust him more. and not depend so much on myself to get things i want; end up being more miserable than before. yupp.. maybe i should to think before making any decisions. do all the math before jumpin into conclusions.yupp.. maybe i'll be better off that way.

God is above all. leave it to him. trust him. he knows best.

really

2005-08-27T21:50:00.000+08:00

really. if u dun wanna talk to me then just tell me that u dun.
really. if u really can't stand the sight of me den tell me. cuz i can't too.
really. dun lie to me. cuz it'll hurt u more one day than it hurts me.
really. i should be the one who's angry, not u.
really. getting angry is not much use.. because u dun care!
really?
really!!!!

2005-08-26T21:41:00.000+08:00

i got b3!!!! its not a grade to be proud of, but considering i have never gotten more than a b4 before, yayeee!! haha..
ok ok, i realised i haven been coming online for a very long time. i think i keep saying that, but there are less that 10 days to prelims.. makes my hair stand just thinking of it..
Leqi, Min Jun and i have recently been crazy over kinder surprise chocolate. (for those who has nv heard/ seen it, its a chocolate egg with a surprise toy inside) haha.. though we had several repetitions, its still very fun! haha.. i'm so childish btw. heex..
Audrey is playing with my camera taking pics of herself. hahahahaha... she really loves herself so much.
kinda like the opposite of her sister. lol..
sigh.. life's so busy now.. busy uintil no time to think and reflect.. so i feel so empty now. sigh!!!

recentl;y wrote my own testimonial. supposedly a CME assignment. how ironic. some moral taught on deceiting youself and others eh? haha..

also got a new mp3 player.. zen micro.. didn't know so many pp have lehx.. haha.. sheng han have the white one, wei keat have the blue one. i took the green one, audrey took the black one. haha.. for once i think green is nicer than black! haha.. support creative peoeple!

lost myself.. pls pray for me..

butterflies emeging in my stomach!

2005-08-11T22:53:00.000+08:00

TMR CHINESE O LEVEL RESULTS COMIG OUT!!!!!! SO NERVOUS!!!!!
DUN TINK I CAN SLEEP TONIGHT LE....!!!!!
GOOD LUCK TO ALL!!!

and also to those having prelims tmr.. jia you!!!

its been awhile

2005-07-25T23:29:00.000+08:00

its been quite some time le. haha.. 128 unchecked emailS.. -.-
talk about flooding. haha!
the gospel meeting just ended yesterday.. yupp.. the bst lesson was indeed reserved for the last.
and charmaine was baptised! wahh..! heex..
we wore traditional costumes yesterday, really, the whole auditorium looked colourful. lol..
den i guess we put too much presure on eudora.. so she kinda broke down. :(
eudora: we're not here to stress u k? its really your choice, but of course we would want to be together when jesus comes again.

also had YES session yesterday.. turn-out was not very good. dun understand what's wrong. haix..
nvm.. rushed home half way through the lesson. den rush out of the house again.. going to mediacorp. haha.. eh? i tink i'm not supposed to sae anymore.. ***

haix.. my entries are really boring eh?

down 2 levels.. yet again. even lower than before..

shallow

2005-06-18T20:43:00.000+08:00

superficial. that's what someone discribed blogging as.
something only for showing others.
in that case, maybe i'll complete this entry.

its not that i didn't think. i really did.
i figured the past can nv happen again.
u're a good guy. u really are. nice sweet, caring. but.. something was still missing.
and if u're wondering, i really tried searching for that.. something that i lost in you and cant find it anymore. sometimes u hurt others without even realising it. dun think anyone ever told u that before.. they probably thing that u were just joking.. is anything your say true in that case?
i know, its my fault, i changed, i lied, i was a bitch. fine.. but at least now that u know earlier.. u're spared from the sickening pain later on. and btw, i asked for more time for me to clarify my thoughts and for u to have time to take that back.
i told u it is, or rather i am not worth the wait.

psssst!!

2005-06-04T23:32:00.000+08:00

its late.. and there's service tmr..
today wasn't a very gr8 day. well, at least for me.
woke up at 9.30.. realised that the who who who msg me twice,
apologising for not replying.
like, whatever. if u dun mean it, dun sae it!
there's seriously no point in u doing things that u don't mean.
that spoiled my day, i guess..
so i turned watched tv till 1030 while munching on my char siew pau.
no bad, considering its microwave food.
and gosh.. i nv knew PPG were so cute..
haha.. though they're lame. well, it beats spongebob. (no offence pp!)
den i left for my piano lesson.. arrived right on the dot. lolx..first time in ages!
after that, i went to WM to buy stuff.. stationary!
what i didn't know is, i missed samo's call! *sorry!!*
den we went for lunch.. the guys in greyt shirt kept looking at her. lolx..
even when she was without the tin.. *wheet!*
ate that yong tau foo again.. so nice..
den we went shopping for her mom's present. her birthday coincides with my parents wedding anni tmr! well, around 12 min away. haha.. 23 years.
anyway, we went to swensens and guess who we saw there... ALAN!!!! (erm.. a guy hu works there)
haha.. think he was wearing someone elses name tag. lolx.. or that was his chinese name.
for folks who dunno, aiya.. long story.. haha.. *read past entries*
wahahaha!
when i got home, bro was trying to bake bread.
he was kinda inspired by some jap cartoon. oh wells..
was kinda fun helping him and baking cup cakes! haha..
yupp.. was pretty troublesome, but, its all worth!
*pssst! grandpa said it was nice!!!*
after that we had jiao zi for dinner.
yupp.. been reflecting awhile.. yupp..
den er. yea...
i'm so evil..... haix...

i suck..

pissed off

2005-05-30T17:11:00.000+08:00

argh!!!!!
i screwed up my o level chinese paper 2!!! argh!!!!!!

*sniff*

nvm la.. chinese lousy, means chinese lousy.
cant change.. yupp.. haix.. feel so low.
lolx.. but nvm.. i guess cher was right. i really have no confidence..
tt's me! haha.

feel that i let so many pp down all of a sudden.
like, dunno how many sent their well wishes and stuff..
nvm..

sorry...

2005-05-28T17:01:00.000+08:00

heyys.. da jie ask me if he should create a blog..
bleahx.. i sounded as if i didn't support the idea.
i dun.. blogging rocks.. if u have the time, that is.
which reminds me, i think i'm getting addicted to blogging

** defination of addicted**
To cause to become physiologically or psychologically dependent on a habit-forming substance: The thief was addicted to cocaine.
To occupy (oneself) with or involve (oneself) in something habitually or compulsively: The child was addicted to video games.

plus, i'm addicted to coffee. wahaha.. trying to get off it.
didn't take any for the last couple of days!
wow.

enuf bout that already..
something "strange" happened yesterday..

he called.. yupp.. to ask of a favour.
den sae will call me back but didn't.
was preeeeetty late, so i suppose there could only be 2 reasons y.
1. he wants me to slp?
2. he's busy with another girl.
i'm kinda positive its 2. so.. yea.
oh wells.

woke up at 7 today to study chinese.
den left home at 8.20..
mom drove audrey to school first before sending me to buy the papers.
yupp.. was actually supposed to meet SOMEBODy. but he woke up late!
argh!!!!!
when i reached school, only VJ and XX were around.
nobody talked.. as if we didn't know each other.
its so wierd how come my classmates are so cold to each other.
hmmm..
den smsed Davin. haha.. he seemed so surprised that i actually remembered him.
O.o
anyway..
cher was late again, as usual. lolx.. den we self study as she called us out 1 by 1 to go through our papers, that she was rushing to mark finish.
min jun was helping me correct all the mistakes in my unmarked script. a really great help.
thanks girl!
haha.. after class i made my way to WM, to help mom buy bedsheets. heavy lehx..
and she still called to ask me to buy milk and noodles. -.-

i also injured alot of pp today..
in the mrt, someone pushed me from the back and i stepped on a lady's foot.
outside NTUC, i was keeping my wallet when another lady rushed past me, and my elbow jabbed her in the arm. oww..
den at home, i dropped a tuna can on my toes.
and almost blinded my sis with the fork. haha..
i'm so careless. bleahx..

o level chinese is a day++ away. yikes! its so demoralising.. my chinese cher.. haix..
noones making it any better.

wheE..

to "maria":
i'll support u if u wanna ammend ur friendship with her. but dun ps us once u 2 are as close as, or even closer to her than before.. k? i know what happened last year was partially my fault, and that u blame me for it even though u never said it out.. thanks for being my friend.

"as long as u happy den ok le..."

2005-05-27T18:13:00.000+08:00

Boulevard Of Broken Dreams - GreendaY
I walk a lonely road
The only one that I have ever known
Don't know where it goes
But it's home to me
and I walk alone

I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Where the city sleeps
and I'm the only one
and I walk alone

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone

I'm walking down the line
That divides me somewhere in my mind
On the border line
Of the edge and where I walk alone
Read between the lines

What's f**ked up and everything's alright
Check my vital signs
To know I'm still alive
and I walk alone

sadness

2005-05-27T17:00:00.000+08:00

**sadded x1**
report books were out today..
damn disappointing results..
haiz.. mom was very supportive though..
she said she's confident tat i can do much better next term
i doubt..
sometimes i really wonder if i'm any good at all..
my results are bad, i'm deteriorating, friendships are drifting, my spiritual life ain't doing any better, i'm gaining even more weight! argh..
guess what..
boO!
argh.. can someone please dun be nice to me and give me a good scolding?
*sob*

**sadded x2**
furthermore, i smsed him yesterday night.. den suddenly he stopped replying.
ignoring me ar..
and the last time i was online he came online for a sec den disappeared..
blocked me? clueless.
though it may not exactly be what i think it is, it still hurts ok. if u are even reading this.
not forgetting the last time we went out with samo and the other guy..
can't believe u actually turn up in something tat looked like pajamas..
sorry, but yes, i was pissed off.
i know i'm somewhat raking up the past but its killing me.
there's something called basic respect ok.
and it doesn't hurt to start a conversation with us girls instead of just discussing some alien topic with ur pal on the other side of the table.
and for goodness sake.
u guys actually expect the both of us to finish an earthquake????
no point saying all this lor.
something tells me u wun even be seeing this.

**sadded x3**

mr Lim is gonna change our places next term.
said we talked too much. and hopes that the stronger one can help the weaker ones.
great! anyone he places beside me will be a great help cuz he/she will be stronger. and i mean ANYONE. but of course, that person will be the unlucky-est person on earth.
yupp.. i pity u.. whoever u will be.

**sadded x4**
o level chinese is next monday.. 3 days away.. argh..
i'm not even close to ready..
and to make things worse,
cher didn't mark much of our work.
which means, we did all the work for nothing..
and somehow it bugs me that she is only interested in teaching the guys.
who are sitting on the left side of the class..
even elycia she also dun even look at.
i mean like, for goodness sake. u have half of ur class on the other side too!
if dun wan teach me den fine lor. but dun leave good students like elycia and xiu xuan out lor.
leqi says tat she wants to get a1 to prove tat she can do as well without cher's help.
haha.. good for her. i wish i could too.
but lets just say my chinese sucks.
i'm already close to giving up hope but it'll be really dumb to do so now.
o level is next week.

**silver lining**
haha.. i found out tat there's another nice guy in my class..
xiao qiang. haha..
i find he's really nice, though he often gets taken for granted and kena bullied. XP
yupp.. budden sometimes he gets a lil pms and stuff.. normal.
plus, his results are super duper good.. average is 75.5 lehx..
wahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..
den i sad tat time he also attempt to cheer me up..
(though not always 100% successful)
really sweet guy i'll say..
haha.. yupp..
he believes samsung sucks and nokia rocks. i beg to differ
long queue outside nokia, all wanna repair phone. samsung hardly anyone, the phone so good no need repair de lor.
but he still dun wanna admit.
wahhhaa..
and also
samo is really happy cuz XXX talk to her, suan her, and now he's her motivation to study harder.. -_-
but good la.. at least she has motivation.
lolx!
and i also have the canon in D score le. yes!
alrighty.. i'll stop here..

today.. normal normal..

2005-05-25T21:41:00.000+08:00

today-
started of with school again.. with intensive chinese remedials and stuff. yupp..
did a full paper. den cher went through other papers.
she was half an hour late.
xiao qiang had a new haircut lorx.. so cute.
hahah.. nicer than the old one. wahahhha!
came home den realised i didn't bring my keys..! 0_O
was in the bag i brought yesterday.
gr8.. den mom rush home, pass me the keys den go bac to work le..
doo.. so guilty.. =X
yea.. walked round the entire estate before she came back.. haha.. fun lehx..
though my head was kinda pounding.. yuppx..
got home, had lunch den go pig..
til around 4? den started mugging..
den the most enjoyable part of today.
bible class!!!
following tat gospel fm.. whee!
haha.. so fun..
during class, bro yong yaw taught bout denoms..
den jian an use permenent marker draw my hand.. haha..
den i use pen draw his entire arm. wahahaha!
and now i am trying hard to gulp down the rest of my soup..
full le.. lolx..
help!

we honour heros becuz at one time or another, we all need to be rescued.

back online!

2005-05-21T14:38:00.000+08:00

wahhhh!!~
i finally can post nehx! lolx... been a really long time le.. sry pp!
lol..
anyway, my results suck big time and next nex monday is chinese o levels.
yikes!
haha.. feel like going out lehx.. but also like dun wan.. hmmm..
haha..

***

my feet de 12 blisters all burst le. li hai ma? haha..
got the 12 from the stewpid court shoes on wednesday when attending the rjc investiture. haha
we arrived 1 hr early so decided to drop off at junction 8 first.. den after stoning for 20 min, we walked all the way to rjc. pro? haha..very painful journey. haha
there we met armit and clara. from commonwealth. armit's eyes are gorgeous!!!!!
seriously.. the colour is like, orange-green-brown.. haha.. so cool eh?
den pei yi said the vice president, 24th batch, very shuai. lolx..
after tat had a tour round the school *groans* my feet. lolx..
den saw ahbiram. whee! haha.. he showed us around the school and kinda like psyco us to get into raffles.. dooo.. i cant get in la!

after tat made my way to jp, met up with meda for dinner and headed to the building. where we sang until lesson started. yep.. fun xia! lolx..
den blah blah blah den go home lorx.. haha
have to go le. o level chinese is next monday! *shivers*

not happy- me.

2005-03-26T23:44:00.000+08:00

happy birthday-
wat the hell does it mean..
happy? nope, wasn't really.
had to wait for an hour. ON MY BIRTHDAY.
yupP, u probably sae its such a long time ago.
i cant keep it inside anymore..
bursting.. argh.
happy new year-
was it really happy?
didn't someone purposely piss me off?
happy valentines day-
wow.. really happy.. a day of love, and whatever.
my bro ended quarelleling with my mom.
love eh?
haix..
sometimes i wonder if this is all my fault..
i somehow tink it is..
the world would be such a perfect place without me screwing it up.
hate me.
hate me.
hate me.
hate me.
here i go again..
whee..

i suck. really do.

hi its me

2005-03-23T23:52:00.000+08:00

this is me for once.
i'm writing bout me.lol..
i'm worrying bout her..
i'm worrying bout him..
i'm worrying bout me..
help... help.....
helppppp............

facts bout zelda

2005-03-23T23:23:00.000+08:00

Fact about 'Zelda'
There was a game/cartoon called Legend of Zelda (pretty famous too).
Zelda is a female name originated from Old German. It means Grey Warrior.
Zelda is the name of a computer virus.
Zelda is pronounces Zeruda in japanese. It is pronounced "ZERUDA". (Consonants are pronounced more or less the same way as in English. "A" sounds like a in father, but shorter. "U" sounds like oo in hook, but with less rounding of the lips. "E" sounds like e in met.)
Zelda means luck in Yiddish.
Zelda is the name of a gay and lesbian pub in Toronto. (http://www.zeldas.ca/)
Celebrated Zelda (1900-1948) wrote a novel called Save Me the Waltz.(http://www.awhf.org/fitzgerald.html).
Another famous Zelda - Zelda Rubinstein, an actress who acted as Tangina in Poltergiest (if you watched it. She is probably the most famous Zelda besides the game k'ter.)
There is a Zelda Cafe in Rhodes Island. (http://www.cafezelda.com/)
Zelda is the name of a celebrity dog. (http://www.deltasociety.org/zelda.htm)
Zelda's Inferno is a weekly writer's meeting in Baltimore,MD held at the All People's Congress Hall at 426 E. 31st Street (near Greenmount Avenue).The meetings begin at 18:00 on Sundays.
Zelda is the name of Sabrina's Aunt in Sabrina the Teenage Witch.

my recount

2005-03-23T22:35:00.000+08:00

innocent attraction..
with not a care in the world.
blushing everytime he passes by.
she giggles to herself.
sometimes even sighing happily just at the sight of him.
she runs her fingers on his bag when he's not around.
meddling with the name tag which is on his bag.
she thinks tat i dun know. haha.. big joke.
finally confesses. "he's cute!" she gushes..

now its the other way around.
things have turned sour.

to both parties, jia you. dun give up.
love can exist no matter how hard the circumstances are.
dun give up.. there's still hope.. rilly.
believe!
just 1 more chance!

23. fate has decided

u lied. u lied.

2005-03-21T23:29:00.000+08:00

5427 5427!
4 4283 8 86 843 2673.
8 4878 63 25681 487 255 87 328581 255 843 5437 8 8653 63 233673111 2268 2354383 4 927 76 788743 86 2354383 828 7663663 22882559 227331 4 4283 81 8 77622259 986 3837 7323 84471 288 48 3637618 62883711
8 9373 744481 8 9373 463 3266 74448 2688 69 34778 23464 9278331 469 226 4 23 76 788743 86111 42491 4 7825 6673 8426 81 427791 416 843 43468 521 6861 928 843 43551 487 255 68371 263 4 78455 2268 2354383 8 22882559 27653 87 77664731 8 78251

4 5669 23837 15 62724 8 8379 42779 531 22882559 42779 367 8 331 65 56791 686 221 82817 631 7887431 38621 42421 36 877353 2 3286871 7867 59464 86 8773531 263 86 6843771

God bless. God forgive. God love.

2005-03-21T23:23:00.000+08:00

su yen is smiling su yen is finally smiling! lolx

2005-03-21T23:22:00.000+08:00

favorite pic. tts suyen, me and audrey